Subj: Polit-Bush (Gz)
(Includes 41 jokes and articles)
Click "Here" for Bush-Supp
Bush and father
from
Winstars
| >>>
Subj: Polit-Bush (Gz) (Includes 41 jokes and articles) Click "Here" for Bush-Supp |
|
Bush and father from Winstars |
Also see BANKING file - 'New
$200 Bill'
BARBER file - 'Bush
And Clinton At The Barbershop'
BUSH4 file - 'George
Bush And John Kerry Are Related'
CHRISTMAS3 - 'Twas
The Night Before Ramadan'
COMPUTERS-SUP- 'How
To Start Your Day w/Smile:'
DOCTOR-SUPP - 'Three
Texas Surgeons Brag'
ENGLISH-SUPP - 'Bush
Deploys Vowels To Bosnia'
GHOSTS file - 'G.W.Bush
Meets Three Ghosts'
GAMES2 file - 'White House
Joust'
HALLOWEEN - 'Halloween
Heads'
HOOKER2 file - 'Pres.
Bush Wants A Call Girl'
MIDDLE EAST - 'Hussein
Calls Bush'
......................-
'Bush
Visits Hussein'
NATIONAL2 - 'Presidents
Dieing In Office'
NAT_STATS-SUP- 'State
Average IQ and Presidential Vote'
POLI-POLTCL1 - 'Check Your Political
Pulse'
POLI-POLTCL2 - 'Ghosts
of Christmas Pres(id)ent'
......................-
'Six
Presidents On A Sinking Ship'
POLI-CLINTON - 'Clinton
Issues Full Pardon'
QUOTES2 file - 'Bush Quotes'
......................-
'Bush
Quotes And Joke Journal'
QUOTES-CMD-SP- 'Crazy
World by Chris Rock'
SCHOOL-SUPP - 'Bush
Visits School'
SIGNS_N_NAMES- 'Fun
With Names'
STARTREK file- 'Pres.
Bush Explains Star Trek'
TATTOOS file - 'Returning
From Canada w/Tattoos'
TRAIN file - 'The
Bushes And Clintons Ride A Train'
============================================================Top
Subj: Osama
Writes George Bush (S459)
From: CKButch4Femme on 11/7/2005
After numerous rounds of "We
don't even know if Osama is
still alive", Osama himself
decided to send George Bush a
letter in his own handwriting
to let him know he was still
in the game.
Bush opened the letter and it
appeared to contain a coded
message:
370HSSV-0773H
Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condi Rice.
Condi and her aides had no clue
either, so they sent it to
the FBI.
No one could solve it, so it went to the CIA, then to NSA.
With no clue as to its meaning,
they eventually asked
Britain's MI-6 for help.
MI-6 cabled the White House:
...............................................
...............................................
...............................................
...............................................
"Tell the President he's holding the message upside down."
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Presidential
Riddle (S451)
From: LABLaughsRiddles on 9/8/2005
President George W. Bush is listed
as our 42st president,
but only 41 men have held the
office. Why?
x
x
x
x
x
Scroll down for the answer
x
x
x
x
x
Here it comes
x
x
x
x
x
Grover Cleveland held office
during 2 nonconsecutive terms.
He was our 22nd and 24th president.
Incidentally, his full
name is Stephen Grover Cleveland.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Bush
Plans World War III (S448b)
From Comedy Central on 8/14/2005
Source: http://jokes.comedycentral.com
Bush and Powell were sitting
in a bar. A guy walked in and
asked the barman, "Isn't that
Bush and Powell?" The barman
said, "Yep, that's them."
So the guy walked over and said,
"Hello. What are you guys
doing?"
Bush said, "We're planning World War III."
The guy asked, "Really? What's going to happen?"
Bush said, "Well, we're going
to kill 10 million Afghans and
one bicycle repairman."
The guy exclaimed, "Why are you gonna kill a bicycle repairman?!"
Bush turned to Powell and said,
"See, I told you no one would
worry about the 10 million Afghans!"
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Letter
From Senior Against Bush (S401)
From: DafterLafter on 7/14/2004
To whoever it may concern:
During the Clinton Administration
I had an extremely good
and well paying job. I took
numerous vacations and had
several vacation homes. Since
President Bush took office, I
have watched my entire life
change for the worse. I lost my
job. I lost my two sons in that
terrible Iraqi War. I lost
my homes. I lost my health insurance.
As a matter of fact,
I lost virtually everything
and became homeless. Adding
insult to injury, when the authorities
found me living like
an animal, instead of helping
me, they arrested me. I will
do anything to insure President
Bush's defeat in the next
election.
I will do anything that Senator
Kerry wants, to insure that
a Democrat is back in the White
House come next year. Bush
has to go.
I just thought you and your readers
would like to know how
one senior citizen views the
Bush Administration. Thank
you for taking the time to read
my letter.
Sincerely,
Saddam Hussein
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: President
Bush Goes Running (S384)
From: Imogenelumen on 6/4/2004
This is a section of a letter
from my grandson who is stationed
in Korea. Makes me think our
president is a real person.
Arlee
Attached is a picture of one
of my best friends in the Army,
Mike McNaughton. We were
privates together in 1990-1994. He
stepped on a landmine in Afghanistan
Christmas 2002. President
Bush came to visit the wounded
in the hospital. He told Mike
that when he could run a mile,
that they would go on a run
together. True to his
word, he called Mike every month or so
to see how he was doing.
Well, last week they went on the run,
1 mile with the president.
Not something you'll see in the
news, but seeing the president
taking
the time to say thank
you to the wounded and to give
hope to one of my best friends
was one of the greatest/best
things I have seen in my life.
It almost sounds like a corny
email chain letter, but God
bless him.
Love,
Justin
CPT Justin P. Dodge, MD
Flight Surgeon, 1-2 AVN RGT
Medical Corps, U.S. Army
 |
Snopes.com reports this story
as true.
http://www.snopes.com/politics/bush/jogging.asp
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: News:
Bush Agrees to More Inspectors (S320b)
From: Cypriot on 3/21/2003
PRESIDENT BUSH AGREES TO MORE
INSPECTORS IN IRAQ
(AP) Washington DC Wednesday,
March 12, 2003 3:45 PM
President George Bush has announced
that the US will not
attack Iraq. The President
announced that he is agreeing
to deploying additional inspectors
throughout Iraq.
The US will send 250,000 additional inspectors:
24,000 members of the 1st Infantry Division
15,000 members of the 101st Airborne Division (Air Assault)
15,000 members of the 82d Airborne Division
More than 5,000 members of the
4th armored division with
their "M1-A1 all-terrain vehicles"
Additional US Army personnel, as needed for inspections
A variety of US Air Force personnel
for aerial recon
missions and other "surveillance"
activities
A significant number of United
States Marines to aid with
inspections
United States Coast Guard personnel to inspect coastlines
An undisclosed number of Rangers,
Green Berets, Navy SEALs,
Recon Marines, Delta Force,
and other Special Operations
personnel to inspect Iraqi "hideaways"
Special air deliveries to aid
the inspections will be made
by aircraft from the USS Constellation,
USS George Washington,
USS Abraham Lincoln and USS
Enterprise.
The President said: "With these
additional inspectors, the
inspections should be completed
in a few weeks."
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: President
Bush Meets Moses (S318)
From: lljknt on 3/4/2003
Recently while going through
an airport, President Bush
encountered a man with long
hair, wearing a robe and
sandals, holding a staff.
President Bush went up to the
man and said, "Aren't you
Moses?" The man never
answered but just kept staring
ahead. Again the President
said, "Moses!" in a loud
voice. The man just kept
staring ahead, never answering
the president.
Soon a secret service agent came
along and President Bush
grabbed him and said, "Doesn't
this man look like Moses
to you?" The secret service
agent agreed with the President.
"Well," said the President,
"every time I say his name, he
just keeps staring ahead and
refuses to speak. Watch!"
Again, the President yelled,
"Moses!" and again the man
stared ahead.
The secret service man went up
to the man in the robe and
whispered, "You look just like
Moses.! Are you Moses?"
The man leaned over and whispered,"
Yes, I am Moses, but
the last time I talked to a
bush, I spent 40 years
wandering in the desert and
ended up leading my people to
the only spot in the entire
Middle East where there is no oil."
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Bush
And Sharon Have Dinner (S315)
From: pns on 2/8/2003
Ariel Sharon comes to Washington
for meetings with George W.
For the State Dinner, Laura
decides to bring in a kosher chef
and have a truly Jewish meal.
At the dinner that night, the
first course is Matzoh Ball
Soup. George W. looks
at the dish and, after learning what
it's called, he whispers to
Carl Rove, who was hovering nearby,
that he can't eat such a gross
and strange-looking dish.
Rove furiously whispers back,
"Mr. Sharon will be very
insulted if you don't at least
taste it."
Not wanting to cause any trouble
-- after all he ate sheep's
eye in honor of his Arab guests
-- Dubya gingerly lowers his
spoon into the bowl and retrieves
a piece of matzoh ball and
some broth.
He hesitates, then swishes, chews,
and swallows and a big
smirk appears on his face.
He digs in and finishes the
whole bowl.
"That was delicious," he says
to Sharon. "Do the Jews eat
any other part of the matzoh
or just the balls?"
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Bush
Meets The Queen (S311, S551c)
From: thebartend on 1/14/2003
and
From: darrellvip on 8/7/2007
At Heathrow Airport, a 300-foot
long red carpet stretches
out to Air Force One and Mr.
Bush strides to a warm but
dignified hand shake from Queen
Elizabeth II. They ride
in a silver 1934 Bentley limousine
to the edge of central
London where they then board
an open 17th century coach
pulled by six magnificent white
matching horses. They
ride toward Buckingham Palace,
each looking sideways and
waving to the thousands of cheering
Britons. So far
everything is going well.
Suddenly the right rear horse
lets fly with the most horrendous,
earth-rending, eye-
smarting blast of flatulence
ever heard in the British
Empire and so powerful that
it shakes the coach.
Uncomfortable, but under control,
the two Dignitaries
of State do their best to ignore
the incident. But,
embarrassed, the Queen decides
it's impossible to ignore
it. "Mr. President, please
accept my regrets. I'm sure
you understand that there are
some things not even a
Queen can control."
Ever the Texas gentleman, the
President replies, "Your
Majesty, please don't give the
matter another thought.
You know, if you hadn't said
something, I would have
thought it was one of the horses!"
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Three
Politicians And The Firing Squad (S308)
From: gheckman on 12/27/2002
Bill Clinton, Al Gore, and George
W. Bush were set to face
a firing squad in a small Central
American country. Bill
Clinton was the first one placed
against the wall and just
before the order was given he
yelled out, "Earthquake!"
The firing squad fell into a
panic and Bill jumped over
the wall and escaped in the
confusion.
Al Gore was the second one placed
against the wall. The
squad was reassembled and Al
pondered what he had just
witnessed. Again before
the order was given Al yelled
out, "Tornado!" Again the squad
fell apart and Al slipped
over the wall.
The last person, George W. Bush,
was placed against the
wall. He was thinking,
"I see the pattern here, just
scream out something about a
disaster and hop over the
wall." He confidently refused
the blindfold as the firing
squad was reassembled.
As the rifles were raised in his
direction he grinned from ear
to ear and yelled, "Fire!"
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Bush
Does "Who's on first?" (S303)
From: ICohen on 11/21/2002
and
From: KMACINTY on 11/22/2002
(See "Who's On First"
in BASEBALL
and 'Abbot
Teaches Costello About Computers' in QUOTES-COMED)
(Playwright Jim Sherman wrote
this after Hu Jintao was named
chief of the Communist Party
in China. A remake of the Abbott
and Costello classic from an
Australian Politics Website:
http://australianpolitics.com/news/2002/11/02-11-23.shtml
We take you now to the Oval
Office, with George W. Bush and
Condoleeza Rice.)
| George: Condi! Nice
to see you.
What's happening? Condi: Sir, I have the report
here
George: Great. Lay it on me. Condi: Hu is the new leader of
China.
|
Picture from RFSlick on 8/28/2005 |
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
George: That's what I'm asking
you.
Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
George: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
George: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
George: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
George: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
George: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
George: That's whose name?
Condi: Yes.
George: Will you or will you
not tell me the name
of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir? Yassir Arafat
is in China? I thought
he was in the Middle East.
Condi: That's correct.
George: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
George: Look, Condi. I need to
know the name of the
new leader of China. Get me the Secretary
General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
George: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
George: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
George: No. But now that you
mention it, I could use
a glass of milk. And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
George: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
George: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
George: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
George: And stay out of the Middle
East!
Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
George: All right! With cream
and two sugars.
Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
George: Rice? Good idea.
And a couple of egg rolls, too.
Maybe we should send some to the guy in China.
And the Middle East. Can you get Chinese food
in the Middle East?
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
 |
Subj:
Bush Does "Who's on first?" II (S518b)
From: allenbergman on 12/14/2006 |
This 3,100 KB movie is very cute.
You can view it on my web
site by clicking 'HERE'.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Bush
Does A Jigsaw Puzzle (S238)
From: drribeiro on 8/21/2001
George W. Bush calls his wife,
Laura and says, "Please come
to the Oval Office and help
me. I have this killer jigsaw
puzzle, and I can't figure out
how to get it started."
Laura asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
He says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
Laura decides to go to his office
and help him with the
puzzle. George shows her
the puzzle spread all over his
desk. She studies the
pieces for a moment, then looks at
the box, then turns to him and
says, "George, honey, first
of all, no matter what we do,
we're not going to be able to
assemble these pieces into a
tiger. "Second, I'd advise you
to relax. Let's have a
cup of coffee, then put all these
Frosted Flakes back in the box."
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Election
2000 Statistics (S235)
From: flovilla on 7/30/2001
Just a few notes on the election
results you won't hear
from the media:
Total Counties won by Bush: 2,434
Total Counties won by Gore:
677
Population of counties won by
Bush: 143 million
Population of counties won by
Gore: 127 million
Square miles of country won by
Bush: 2,427,000
Square miles of country won
by Gore: 580,000
States won by Bush: 29
States won by Gore: 10
And, finally, a most remarkable
finding.....
Average murders per 100,000
residents in counties
won by Bush: 0.1
Average murders per 100,000
residents in counties
won by Gore: 13.2
(Researchers found an interesting
fact that might help
explain these disparate
murder rates: Gun ownership
in the counties
won by Mr.Bush is much higher than
in the counties
won by Mr. Gore).
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Poem
Of Bush Quotes (S235)
From: gheckman on 7/27/2001
This is a poem made up entirely
of actual quotes from George
W. Bush. The quotes have
been arranged only for aesthetic
purposes, by Washington Post
writer Richard Thompson.
MAKE THE PIE HIGHER by George W. Bush
I think we all agree, the past
is over.
This is still a dangerous world.
It's a world of madmen and uncertainty.
Rarely is the question asked,
Is our children learning?
Will the highways of the internet
become more few?
How many hands have I shaked?
They misunderestimate me.
I am a pitbull on the pantleg
of opportunity.
I know that the human being
and the fish can coexist.
Families is where our nation
finds hope,
where our wings take dream.
Put food on your family!
Knock down the tollbooth!
Vulcanize Society!
Make the pie higher!
Make the pie higher!
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
| Subj:
Bush-isms (S308b, S485)
From: gheckman on 12/27/2002 and From: darrell94590 on 5/6/2006 |
 |
You can read these Bush quotations
on my web site by
clicking 'HERE'.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: MisQuotes
Of Bush In S.M.L. #308b-4
From: agrief on 1/2/2003
Most (all?) of those Bush quotes are misquotes.
http://www.snopes.com/quotes/bush.htm
http://www.snopes.com/quotes/quayle.htm
Thanks Abe for correcting me.
If I include an Urban Legend
or make some other error, please
correct me. I will put the
correction at the start of the
next Sunday Morning Laughs.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Bush's
Trip To Europe (S230)
From: pns on 6/20/2001
In an emotional outburst at a
state dinner in Brussels last
night, a tearful President George
W. Bush told a banquet
room full of European leaders
and reporters that he hated
his trip to Europe and wanted
to go home as soon as possible.
"I hate it here," Mr. Bush told
the stunned audience. "I
miss my dog. I miss my
room and my video games. I want to
go home right now."
President Bush went on to make
remarks that many international
experts interpreted to be critical
of Europe.
"I hate the food here," President
Bush said. "There's nothing
good to watch on TV. And
they keep on making me go to these
dumb old museums."
"The only reason I even went
to Europe is because my parents
forced me to," Mr. Bush went
on to say. "None of my friends
have to go to Europe.
It's so unfair."
Reached at their home in Kennebunkport,
Maine, the president's
parents, Former President George
Bush and Barbara Bush,
disagreed with their son's characterization
of their role in
the European visit.
"We didn't force him to go,"
Mr. Bush said. "But I think
going to Europe will be a good
experience for him, and some
day he'll thank us. He
can sit in his hotel room and sulk
if he wants, but we are not
letting him go home one day
earlier than planned."
For her part, Mrs. Bush was not
surprised at the news of
her son's outburst. "There's
always something with him,"
Mrs. Bush told reporters.
"He doesn't realize how lucky
he is to even go to Europe --
so many people can't afford
a nice trip like that."
"For once in his life I wish
he'd stop his belly-aching,"
the President's mother said.
Vice-President Dick Cheney acknowledged
that the President
had been unhappy with the European
trip so far, but remained
optimistic that Mr. Bush's mood
would soon improve.
"Tomorrow we're going to London,
and that should be a whole
lot better," Mr. Cheney said.
"We've promised him that he
could go to Madame Tussaud's
and ride a double-decker bus."
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: The
Presidential Test (S214)
From: FrankRoeschon 3/5/2001
and
From: lazurebyjudy on 3/16/2006
President Geprge W. Bush gets
an invite from the Queen to come
and visit her in England.
One afternoon when drinking tea,
he asks her what's the secret
of her success? She tells him
that she relies on her people
a lot and therefore she must be
certain that they are
intelligent. She decides to show him
exactly what she means and phones
Tony Blair. "Now
listen carefully, Mr. Bush.
I'm going to ask Mr. Blair a
question to determine his intelligence."
On the phone she says, "Oh, hello
Mr. Blair. I have a
question for you. Your mother
has a child, and your father
has a child. This child
is not one of your brothers and is
not one of your sisters. Who
is he?"
Tony Blair responds, "It's me."
"Correct. Thank you...
bye," says the Queen and she
hangs up. "Did you get that
Mr. Bush?"
"Yes'm. Thanks a lot! I'll definitely be using that!"
Once back in the US he decides
that he has doubts about
some Republicans and he's going
to ask them the question.
He arranges a meeting with his
chief of staff, Karl Rove.
He said to him, "I have a riddle
for you, and the answer is
very important. Your parents
had a child and it was not
your sister and it was not your
brother. Who was this child?"
Rove replied, "Yes, it is clearly
very important that we
determine the answer, as no
child must be left behind. Can I
deliberate on this for a while?"
"Yes," said Bush, "I'll give
you four hours to come up with
the answer."
So Rove went and called a meeting
of the White House Staff,
and asked them the riddle.
But after much discussion and
many suggestions, none of them
had a satisfactory answer.
So he was quite upset, not knowing
what he would tell the
President.
As Rove was walking back to the
Oval Office, he saw former
Secretary of State Colin Powell
approaching him. So he said,
"Mr. Secretary, can you answer
this riddle for me. Your
parents had a child and it was
not your sister and it was
not your brother. Who was the
child?"
"That's easy," said Powell, "The child was me."
"Oh thank you," said Rove, "You may just have saved me my job!"
So Rove went in to the Oval Office
and said to President Bush,
"I think I know the answer to
your riddle. The child was Colin Powell!"
"No, you idiot!" shouted Bush, "The child was Tony Blair!"
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Three
Famous People Arrive At Heaven's Gate (S209)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day.com on 1/29/2001
Einstein dies and goes to heaven.
At the Pearly Gates, Saint
Peter tells him, "You look like
Einstein, but you have NO
idea the lengths that some people
will go to to sneak into
Heaven. Can you prove who you
really are?"
Einstein ponders for a few seconds
and asks, "Could I have a
blackboard and some chalk?"
Saint Peter snaps his fingers
and a blackboard and chalk
instantly appear. Einstein
proceeds to describe with arcane
mathematics and symbols his
theory of relativity.
Saint Peter is suitably impressed.
"You really ARE Einstein!"
he says "Welcome to heaven!"
The next to arrive is Picasso.
Once again, Saint Peter asks
for credentials. Picasso
asks, "Mind if I use that
blackboard and chalk?"
Saint Peter says, "Go ahead."
Picasso erases Einstein's equations
and sketches a truly
stunning mural with just a few
strokes of chalk.
Saint Peter claps. "Surely you
are the great artist you claim
to be!" he says "Come on in!"
Then Saint Peter looks up and
sees George W. Bush. Saint
Peter scratches his head and
says, "Einstein and Picasso both
managed to prove their identity.
How can you prove yours?"
George W. looks bewildered and
says, "Who are Einstein and
Picasso?"
Saint Peter sighs and says, "Come on in, George."
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Bush
Acceptance Speech (S208)
From: tadams96 on 1/26/2001
Bush's acceptance speech (first draft)
My fellow Americans, it's about
fucking time. All you
liberals can just kiss my big,
white, Texas ass, if
you think I'm gonna spew a boatload
of bipartisan
bullshit. Let's set the
record straight here. I won,
dammit. Hell, I won FOUR
OR FIVE TIMES, you stupid
bastards. We got the presidency,
we got Congress, and
by the end of four years we'll
have even more of the
Supreme Court. The Republicans
are here, and we're
gonna show you how it's done.
Ya'll wnat me to reach across
party lines now?How
'bout I reach across and bitch-slap
all your
sorry-liberal-monkey-asses?
How'd ya like that?
Don't get me wrong, here.
The sense of satisfaction
I'm feeling right now isn't
that I've won - it's that
I won't have to listen to Al
Gore bitch and moan about
"letting every vote count".
The only reason this went
as far as it did is because
you Democrats have a
playground crybaby as your poster-boy,
and I for one
am glad I won't have to see
him on TV anymore. This
might sound snippy, Mr. Gore,
but as we used to say in
the sandlot...LOSERS WALK!!!
As I said in my campaign, I promised
to be a president
who focuses on education.
My first task as President
will be to start an educational
program for all you
Florida-idiots who can't tell
your elbow from your
asshole or how to poke a stylus
through the right
hole. I don't get you
liberal Democrats, when we're
talking about Bill Clinton and
some office whore, you
say that the lack of penetration
doesn't count; but
when it comes to ballots, lack
of penetration DOES count.
You want a solution to this problem?
Take some
Viagra, you old farts, and finish
what you started
next election. Until then,
I want to ask you just one
question: "Who's yer daddy???"
And so I humby accept the office
of President of these
United States.
Thank you.
W.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: GW Bush
Song (S206)
From: CHRISDADDYG on 1/12/2001
The Kennebunkport Hillbilly
(sing to the tune of The Beverly
Hillbillies)
Come and listen to my story 'bout
a boy name Bush.
His IQ was zero and his head
was up his tush.
He drank like a fish while he
drove all about.
But that didn't matter 'cuz
his daddy bailed him out.
DUI, that is. Criminal
record. Cover-up.
Well, the first thing you know
little Georgie goes to Yale.
He can't spell his name but
they never let him fail.
He spends all his time hangin'
out with student folk.
And that's when he learns how
to snort a line of coke.
Blow, that is. White gold.
Nose candy.
The next thing you know there's
a war in Vietnam.
Kin folks say, "George, stay
at home with Mom."
Let the common people get maimed
and scarred.
We'll buy you a spot in the
Texas Air Guard.
Cushy, that is. Country
clubs. Nose candy.
Twenty years later George gets
a little bored.
He trades in the booze, says
that Jesus is his Lord.
He said, "Now the White House
is the place I wanna be."
So he called his daddy's friends
and they called the GOP.
Gun owners, that is. Falwell.
Jesse Helms.
Come November 7, the election
ran late.
Kin folks said "Jeb, give the
boy your state!"
"Don't let those colored folks
get into the polls."
So they put up barricades so
they couldn't punch their holes.
Chads, that is. Duval
County. Miami-Dade.
Before the votes were counted
five Supremes stepped in.
Told all the voters "Hey, we
want George to win."
"Stop counting votes!" was their
solemn invocation.
And that's how George finally
got his coronation.
Rigged, that is. Illegitimate.
No moral authority.
Y'all
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================
Subj: Short
Bush Political Jokes
Top
Subj: Bush
Emotional At Briefing (S452b)
From: mebharkins on 9/23/2005
Donald Rumsfeld is giving the
president his daily briefing.
He concludes by saying:
"Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers
were killed in an accident'
"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"
His staff sits stunned at this
display of emotion, nervously
watching as the president sits,
head in hands. Finally, the
President looks up and asks..........
"How many is a Brazillion ??!"
Top
Subj: Smart
Bomb Sign (S451)
From: Anon Jr. on 9/15/2005
and
From: NorthernSun.com
Source: http://www.northernsun.com/images/thumb/5637WereInBigTrouble.jpg
 |
 |
Subj:
Bush Vacation Continues (S450b)
From: darrell94590 on 9/11/2005 |
| Subj:
The World Is My Toy (S445b - movies)
From: LABLaughsRiddles on 8/1/2005 |
 |
Top
Subj: Google
Joke (S404)
From: www.jokes@gomilpitas.com on 10/23/2004
1. Go to http://www.google.com
(don’t use the
Google task bar
– actually go to their page)
2. Type "failure" into the search
engine.
3. Click on the “I’m feeling
lucky!” button.
Top
Subj: Bush-Kerry
Debate (S403b)
From: DafterLafter on 10/18/2004
The other night John Kerry addressed
President Bush directly
by saying, 'In the weeks ahead,
let's be optimistic.'
Today, President Bush fired back
saying, 'What does making
eye glasses have to do with
running the country?'
Top
Subj: Craig
Kilborn Quote (S393b)
From: BennoRo on 8/8/2004
"It's weird watching President
Bush struggle with excuses
for why we went to war.
As he struggles, it reminds us
all what a terrific liar Bill
Clinton really was."
-- Craig Kilborn
Top
Subj: Animated
GIF Bush And Monkey (S390)
From: DafterLafter on 7/14/2004
At: http://www.ezines4all.com/ct200406/056.htm
 |
| Subj:
Bush Goes Fishing (S366b)
From: drgolfmd on 1/28/2004 To see 'Bush Goes Fishing' go to my web site by |
 |
Top
Subj: David
Letterman On Bush (S351b)
From: pns on 10/18/2003
"President Bush is leaving to
go to Crawford, Texas, for a
35-day working vacation.
This should go over big with all
the people taking a can't-get-work
vacation."
-- David Letterman
"The White House says that the
vacation in Texas will give
President Bush the chance to
unwind. My question is, when
does the guy wind?" --David
Letterman
Top
Subj: Movie
- Time To Bomb Saddam (S322)
From: BennoRo on 3/29/2003
The Bush And Powell Flash "animation"
at:
http://www.starterupsteve.com/swf/saddam.html
 |
Subj:
Bush Explains No Decision Yet (S313)
From: RFSlick on 2/1/2003 To see the photo "Bush Explains No Decision Yet" go |
| Subj:
Bush Explains The War (S313)
From: RFSlick on 2/1/2003 To see the photo "Bush Explains the War" go to |
 |
 |
Subj:
Movie Poster - Gulf Wars Episode II (S305)
From: KMACINTY on 12/5/2002 Produced by Mad Magazine |
Top
Subj: Jeb
Bush's Letter (S304)
From: jerry on 11/26/2002
Florida Governor Jeb Bush, sent
a congratulatory letter to
the loser of the Vermont gubernatorial
election. He told
Doug Racine, who lost the race
to Jim Douglas, that he can
look forward to "one of the
most rewarding and challenging
jobs in America." Apparently.
WPVI (Philadelphia) 26-Nov-02
Top
Subj: Bush
On Roe v. Wade (S215)
From: RFSlick on 3/15/2001
George W. Bush was asked how
he felt about Roe v. Wade. He
said it was the most important
decision George Washington
had to make before crossing
the Delaware.
Top
Subj: What's
Taking So Long? (S244b)
From: mbucher on 10/6/2001
Quote of the Day from President
Bush when asked what is
taking so long to retaliate
against the recent attack:
"When I take action I'm not going
to fire a $2 million
missile at a $10 empty tent
and hit a camel in the ass."
-- President of the United
States, George W. Bush..
From: Anonymous Junior on 7/13/2005
(S442b)
Q: What's the difference between
Vietnam and Iraq?
A: George W. Bush found a way
out of Vietnam.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================
 |
Smiley in Politics from
Smiley_Central |
