Subj: Political 1 Jokes (Gz)
(Includes 41 jokes and articles)
Two Parties from
Animation Factory
| >>>
Subj: Political 1 Jokes (Gz) (Includes 41 jokes and articles) |
|
Two Parties from Animation Factory |
Also see BARBER file - 'Free
Haircuts'
BATHROOM-SUPP- 'Doonesbury
On The Senator Craig Scandal'
BIRD-CHICKEN - 'Roosters
And Bell Ringing'
......................-
'Why
Did The Chicken...(Political_update)'
......................-
'Why
Did The Chicken...(Political)'
BLACK2 file - 'Barack
Obama Speaks at Dr. King's Church'
......................-
'Jesse
Jackson Turns White'
BREASTS file - 'Speech
By Candidate'
BUMPERSTICKRS- 'Election
Bumper Stickers'
CATHOLIC file- 'Kerry
Contributes To Catholic Church'
CHRISTMAS2 - 'How
to Tell A Democrat From A Republican'
CHRISTMAS3 - 'Twas
A Week Past Election.....'
CHRISTMAS4 - 'Christmas
Political Poem'
......................-
'Supreme
Court Ruled On Nativity Scene'
CLINTONSCANDl- 'Lewinsky
Kaczynski Limerick'
COLLEGE1 file- 'College
Student Talks To Her Dad'
COLLEGE2 file- 'Speech
By Charlton Heston at Harvard'
CONDOM file - 'US
Sends Russia Condoms'
COWS file - 'Cows
And Politics'
......................-
'You
Have Two Cows Vers. II'
DRINKING-BER1- 'Last
12,000 Years Of History'
ENGLISHMAN - 'The
British Speak About Election 2000'
FACTS4 file - 'How
Lincoln And John F. Kennedy Were Alike'
FARMER1 file - 'Joke
From President Lincoln'
GAMES file - 'Presidential
Knock-Out'
GAMES2 file - 'White House
Joust'
HALLOWEEN - 'Halloween
Heads'
HEAVEN2 file - '11th
Commandment'
HOOKER2 file - 'Jimmy
Carter Picks A Hooker'
HORSES file - 'Father
O'Malley Calls John Kerry'
......................-
'Pastor
Finds Dead Donkey'
JEWISH1 file - 'Jewish
President Invites Mom For Thanksgiving'
JOB1 file - 'Beating
A Dead Horse'
KIDS1 file - 'Dad
Explains Politics'
LAWYER2 file - 'Roosevelt's
Talk To His Son'
LETTERS2 file- 'Dear Tide'
FAMOUS-PEOPL1- 'Short
Kennedy Jokes '
NATIONAL file- 'Chads by Dr.
Seuss:'
......................-
'Picking
A World Leader'
NATIONAL2 - 'Social
Security'
......................-
'What
Time Is It?'
......................-
'The
Future In Year 2035'
NATIVE AMERCN- 'Politician
Visits Reservation'
NEW YEARS - 'To
All My Democratic Friends:'
POLIT-CLINTON- 'Clinton
Jogs By The Memorials'
......................-
'NY,NY'
PLT-CLNTSCDL1- 'Four
Presidents Visit Oz'
......................-
(see
whole file)
......................-
'Milk...'
POLIT-BUSH - 'Three
Politicians And The Firing Squad'
......................-
'Bush-isms'
PREACHER file- 'Invocation
In The Kansas Senate
PREACHER-SUPP- 'The
Preacher's Son'
PRIEST3 file - 'Dinner
Honors Priest's 25th Year'
QUOTES2 file - 'Bush Quotes'
......................-
'Bush
Quotes And Joke Journal'
......................-
'M.
Barry Quotes'
SCHOOL-SUPP - 'First
Grade Teacher Explains Politics'
SCOTTISH file- 'Scottish
Farmer Saves A Boy'
SHIT file - 'Dan
Rather Talks To Little Tommy On A Plane'
......................-
'Political
Promises'
SIGNS-SUPP - 'Casa
D'Ice Restaurant Signs'
SOUTHERNER - 'Democrat,
Republican, or Southern Republican'
THGHTS-LRN-SP- 'Quotes
By Abe Lincoln'
THTS-SLY-SUPP- 'Politically
Correct Phrases'
============================================================Top
 |
Subj:
Check Your Political Pulse (S403)
From: JOELFALLON on 10/15/2004 At: http://www.politicalpulse.us |
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Republicans
Have Two Presidential Candidates (S391)
From: jerry on 7/26/2004
News Item: Ralph Nader submits
5,400 signatures to get on the
Michigan ballot, 24,600 short
of the requirement. Michigan
Republicans then submit 43,000
signatures on his behalf knowing
that Nader will siphon votes
away from Kerry in the Presidential
Election.
ABC News
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Reflections
of Great Minds on Government (S388)
From: Imogenelumen on 6/22/2004
| 1) Suppose you were
an idiot.
And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself............ Mark Twain 2) A government which robs
3) A liberal is someone who
|
 |
5) The inherent vice of capitalism
is the unequal sharing
of the blessings.
The inherent blessing of socialism is
the equal sharing
of misery.......Winston Churchill
6) Foreign aid might be
defined as a transfer of money from
poor people
in rich countries to rich people in poor
countries........Douglas
Casey, Classmate of Bill Clinton
at Georgetown
University
7) There is no distinctly
native American criminal class, ,
save Congress.......Mark
Twain
 |
8) The ultimate result
of
shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools.. Herbert Spencer, English Philosopher (1820-1903) 9) Democracy must be something
|
10) Giving money and power to
government is like giving
whiskey and
car keys to teenage boys.................
P.J O'Rourke,
Civil Libertarian
11) Government is the great fiction,
through which everybody
endeavors
to live at the expense of everybody else......
Frederic
Bastiat, French Economist (1801-1850)
12) Government's view of the
economy could be summed up in a
few short
phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps
moving, regulate
it. And if it stops moving, subsidize
it..........Ronald
Reagan (1986)
13) What this country needs are
more unemployed politicians..
Edward Langley,
Artist (1928 - 1995)
| 14) If you think
health care
is expensive now, wait until you see what it costs when it's free ..........P.J. O'Rourke 15) If you want government
16) Talk is cheap ... except
|
 |
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 9/14/2005
(S452b)
17b) "There's no trick to being
a humorist when you have
the
whole government working for you." -- Will Rogers
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 12/19/2005
(S465b)
17c "Politicians can do more
funny things naturally than
I can
think of to do purposely" -- Will Rogers
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 2/15/2006
(S474b)
17d "If I studied all my life,
I couldn't think up half the
number
of funny things passed in one session of congress."
-- Will Rogers
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 3/6/2006
(S477b)
17e "The trouble with political
jokes is that very often
they
get elected." -- Will Rogers
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 5/6/2006
(S485b)
17f "The taxpayers are sending
congressmen on expensive trips
abroad.
It might be worth it except they keep coming back!"
-- Will Rogers
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 8/9/2006
(S499b)
17g "We could certainly slow
the aging process down if it had
to work its
way through Congress. " -- Will Rogers
18) In general, the art of government
consists in taking
as much money
as possible from one party of the citizens
to give to
the other.........Voltaire (1764)
19) Just because you do not take
an interest in politics
doesn't mean
politics won't take an interest in you...
Pericles
(430 B.C.)
20) No man's life, liberty, or
property is safe while the
legislature
is in session.....Mark Twain (1866)
 |
21) The government is like
a baby's alimentary canal, with a happy appetite at one end and no responsibility at the other......... Ronald Reagan 22) A government big enough
23) The only difference
|
! 24) They're all liars.........Bob Thorne
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Discovering
Your Son's Career Path (S279)
From: thebartend on 6/3/2002
An older couple had a son, who
was still living with them.
The parents were a little worried,
as the son was still
unable to decide about his career
path, so they decided to
do a small test.
They took a ten-dollar bill,
a Bible, and a bottle of
whiskey, and put them on the
front hall table. Then they
hid, hoping he would think they
weren't at home.
The father told the mother, "If
he takes the money, he
will be a businessman; if he
takes the Bible, he will be
a priest; but if he takes the
bottle of whiskey, I'm
afraid our son will be a drunkard."
So the parents took their place
in the nearby closet and
waited nervously, peeping through
the keyhole they saw
their son arrive home.
He saw the note they had left,
saying they'd be home later.
Then, he took the 10-dollar
bill, looked at it against the
light, and slid it in his pocket.
After that, he took the
Bible, flicked through it, and
took it also. Finally, he
grabbed the bottle, opened it,
and took an appreciative
whiff to be assured of the quality,
then he left for his
room carrying all the three
items.
The father slapped his forehead,
and said, "Damn! It's
even worse than I ever imagined..."
"What do you mean?" his wife inquired.
"He's gonna be a politician!" the father replied.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Gary
Condit Interview Quiz (S238)
From: KMACINTY on 8/24/2001
The following quiz can be used
to determine how closely you
and yours paid attention to
the Gary Condit-Connie Chung
interview on TV:
1. Gary Condit has been married
___ years.
A. 34
B. 43
C. Because of a
specific request by the Levy family,
I'm not going to get into that.
2. Gary Condit is not perfect,
and has made mistakes
in his life.
A. True
B. False
C. It all
depends on what your definition of "perfect" is.
3. Did Gary Condit kill Chandra
Levy?
A. No
B. I've answered
every question the police have asked.
C. It all depends
on what your definition of "kill" is.
4. Gary Condit agreed to do his
first interview with
Connie Chung...
A. Because
she is a tough, but fair interviewer.
B. Because
she's a nationally known and well respected
journalist.
C. Because
Barney The Dinosaur wasn't available.
5. "I've been married 34 years,
but I've made mistakes. I'm
not a perfect person."
Gary Condit gave the preceding
answer to which
of the following questions:
A. "Did you
have an affair with Chandra Levy?"
B. "Did you
have
an affair with Anne Marie Smith?"
C. "Would
you like Original Recipe or Extra Crispy?"
6. What were the last words Chandra
Levy said to Gary Condit?
A. "Goodbye"
B. "I'm pregnant"
C. "Why don't
you take that stupid watch case, drive
across town, and throw it in a trash can some night
when the cops are searching your apartment."
7. Did Gary Condit have an affair
with Chandra Levy?
A. "Because
of a specific request from my family, I
won't answer that question."
B. "Because
of a specific request from the Levy family,
I won't answer that question."
C. "Because
of a specific request from the Partridge
Family, I won't answer that question."
8. The expression on Gary Condit's
face during his
interview suggested
he was thinking about:
A. How much
he wanted the interview to end.
B. How the
interview might affect his chances for
reelection.
C. How Connie
Chung would look in a thong bikini.
9. Gary Condit found out about
Chandra Levy's disappearance:
A. When he
got a call from the Levy family.
B. When he
got a call from the police.
C. When he
got a call from the hit man.
10. What were Gary Condit's constituents
likely to have been
thinking while
watching the interview?
A. That he
was a competent local elected official who'd
been unfairly flung into the media spotlight.
B. That he
was a prevaricating politician vainly trying
to salvage his career.
C. That his
barber should get 25 to life.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: How
To Tell Republicans From Democrats: (S233)
From: agrief on 7/16/2001
(See 'How
To Tell A Democrat From A Republican' in CHRISTMAS2)
Democrats buy most of the books
that have been banned somewhere.
Republicans form censorship
committees and read them as a group.
Democrats give their worn out
clothes to those less fortunate.
Republicans wear theirs.
Democrats name their children
after currently popular sports
figures, politicians,
and entertainers.
Republican children are named
after their parents or
grandparents, according
to where the money is.
Republicans tend to keep their
shades drawn, although there
is seldom any reason
why they should.
Democrats ought to, but don't.
Republican boys date Democratic
girls. They plan to marry
Republican girls,
but feel that they're entitled to a
little fun first.
Democrats make plans and then
do something else.
Republicans follow the plans
their grandfathers made.
Republicans sleep in twin beds--some
even in separate rooms.
That is why there are more Democrats.
Politics: It all really just boils down to this:
Issue:
Criminals:
Democrats: Give them a
second chance.
Republicans: Give them
the swift sword of death.
The poor:
Democrats: Give them some
food.
Republicans: Give them
the swift sword of death.
Endangered species:
Democrats: Give them protection.
Republicans: Give them
the swift sword of death.
Dictators:
Democrats: Give them a
way out.
Republicans: Give them
the swift sword of death.
The uninsured:
Democrats: Give them health
care.
Republicans: Give them
the swift sword of death.
*The cost:
Democrats: $9,000,000,000,000,000,000
Republicans: $29.95 (cost
of one sword)
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Prerequisites
For Modern Liberal Democrats (S159)
From: JCary on 02/16/2000
To all of my Liberal friends,
if you score less than 50%
(true/false), you probably need
to change your party
affiliation!!
1) You have to believe the AIDS
virus is spread by
a lack of
funding.
2) You have to be against capital
punishment, but
for abortion
on demand, in short you support
protecting
the guilty and killing the innocent.
3) You have to believe that
the same public school
teacher who
can't teach 4th graders how to read is
qualified
to teach those same kids about sex.
4) You have to believe that
trial lawyers are
selfless
heroes and doctors are overpaid.
5) You have to believe that
guns in the hands of
law-abiding
Americans are more of a threat than
nuclear weapons
in the hands of the Red Chinese.
6) You have to believe that
global temperatures are
less affected
by cyclical, documented changes in the
Sun, and
more affected by SUVs.
7) You have to believe that
gender roles are
artificial
but being gay is natural.
8) You have to believe that
businesses create
oppression
and governments create prosperity.
9) You have to believe that
hunters don't care
about nature
but animal rights activists who've
never been
outside Seattle do.
10) You have to believe that
self-esteem is more
important
than actually doing something to earn it.
11) You have to believe there
was
no art before
federal funding.
12) You have to believe the
military, not corrupt
politicians,
start wars.
13) You have to believe the
free market that gives plus
500+ channels
can't deliver the quality that PBS does.
14) You have to believe the
NRA is bad, because it stands
up for certain
parts of the Constitution, while
the ACLU
is good, because they stand up for certain
parts of
the Constitution.
15) You have to believe that
taxes are too low but
ATM fees
are too high.
16) You have to believe that
Harriet Tubman, Cesar
Chavez and
Gloria Steinem are more important to
American
history than Thomas Jefferson, General
Robert E.
Lee or Thomas Edison.
17) You have to believe that
standardized tests are
racist, but
racial quotas and set-asides aren't.
18) You have to believe that
second-hand smoke is
more dangerous
than HIV.
19) You have to believe Hilary
Clinton is really a
lady and
Rosie O'Donnell is not really a man.
20) You have to believe that
conservatives are
racists,
but that black people couldn't make it
without your
help.
21) You have to believe that
the only reason socialism
hasn't worked
anywhere it's been tried is because
the right
people haven't been in charge.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Damien
Hooters For President (S97)
Vol 1 No.6
Nov 1998
c 1998 by Mike Irwin.
From: humorlist-digest V2 #281 on 98-11-30
DAMIEN HOOTERS ADDRESSES FAMILY VALUES
I get sick to my stomach every
time a politician goes out of
their way to tell us how pro-family
they are. That's bullshit.
Congressmen spend eight months
a year away from their family
and use the rest of their time
campaigning or taking junkets.
They only time they see their
families is when it's time for
new campaign photos.
I am proud to admit that like
most real Americans, I'm anti-
family. You probably are
too. If you don't believe me, just
take the following family values
quiz.
Check which of the two statements
most closely applies to you.
1) A. I offer to pay for a qualified
temp to take over my job
for a day so I can spend more time with my children.
B. I will hire someone
who is too young to work at McDonalds
to babysit my kids so that I can go out and get drunk.
2) A. I look forward to Thanksgiving
so I can spend time
playing Parcheesi with my drooling Aunt Gretchen who I
see only one day a year.
B. I look forward
to weekends so I can spend time with the
same guys I've been hanging out with since ninth grade.
3) A. I know the first and last
names of four of my child's
classmates.
B. I can name at
least six starting quarterbacks in the NFL.
4) A. The magician I hired for
my kid's birthday party came
highly reccommended to me by other parents, and I checked
his credentials and interviewed him before hiring him.
B. The magician
I hired for my kid's birthday party is the
one who plays between dancers at the local strip joint.
5) A. On my last business trip,
I spent $50 on phone calls to
talk to my children every night before bedtime.
B. On my last business
trip, I spent $150 in flowers for
my mistress to convince her that I really do plan to
someday "divorce the bitch".
6) A. I tell my spouse that I
think Clinton should be impeached
to show them my moral outrage at his actions.
B. I tell my spouse that
I think Clinton should be impeached
to
keep them from guessing that I secretly wish to trade
places
with him. Because right now, oral sex with an
unattractive
twenty two year old is better than what I'm
getting.
If you answered "B" more than
three times, consider yourself
a true American. And,
the next time someone shoves "family
values" down your throat, tell
'em that future President
Damien Hooters says it ain't
so.
*************************************************
For more info, or to book Damien
Hooters for media inteviews
or public appearances, call
Press Secretary Mike Irwin at
1-410-896-4244
*************************************************
ASK DAMIEN HOOTERS
(actual letters. don't be afraid to send in your q's)
Dear Damien,
What do you think of sex with
"HORSES"?
Bill
Savannah,
Ga
Dear Bill,
I'd fuck Hilary.
Dear Damien,
How about all of these abortion
clinics getting bombed? Isn't
the First and Second Ammendment
to the Constitution getting blurred?
Ralph
Rochester,
NY
Ralph,
The second amendment guarantees
the right to bear arms, not
children. And since most
of these clinics offer pre-natal care,
the bombers put pregnant women
at risk. However, if these women
are in the clinics during a
bombing, they do have the first
amendment right to scream in
pain.
Dear Damien,
I'm a programmer and I could
create a lot of great programs if
it were not for these darned
copyright laws. When you are
elected president, could you
help me out?
Keith,
Springifield,
MO
Dear Keith,
If I were you, I would stake
your entire future career on my
getting elected, because when
that happens I will grant a true
supporter like yourself a universal
pardon. Enjoy.
(Note: next letter was sent before
release of Linda Tripp tapes)
Dear Damien,
Yeah, since we've only seen
Monica but not heard from her, what
do you think she has to say
and what do you think she sounds like?
Bobby Winn,
Ft. Lauderdale,
FL.
Dear Bobby,
MMMNF... MFF...NNNHH... MMWHMM...MMNNWW...
(Gurgle)
*************************************************
DAMIEN'S LETHAL VIEWS ON CAPITAL PUNISHMENT
I support the Death Penalty.
I figure, the fewer people there
are, the more peach cobbler
for me.
Death penalty opponents are always
whining about the innocent
people who get the chair.
Sure, in the last ten years, 75
death row convictions have been
overturned, but that's out of
3200 death sentences handed
out - a 97% success rate. That's
an "A".
Let's face it, none of these
people who were wrongly convicted
were exactly setting the world
on fire anyway. The fact that
they were losers with no money
was one of the main reasons
they got convicted in the first
place.
Bottom line: some say it is better
to let 100 guilty go free
than to execute one innocent
man. I say, if some innocent
guys fry, it's the cost of keeping
the system efficient.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Presidential
Affairs (S90)
From: RFSlick on 98-10-19
Boy if this is true our presidents
are all the same,
but of course we knew that.
1. Which president smoked
marijuana with a nude playgirl
while
he joked about being too wasted to "push the
button"
in case of nuclear attack?
2. Which president allegedly
had affairs with both a winner
AND
a finalist in the Miss America pageant?
3. Which president made
love to one of his secretaries
stretched
out atop a desk in the oval office?
4. Which president allegedly
had an affair (as well as
children)
with a slave who was his wife's half sister?
5. Which president called his mistress "Pookie"?
6. Which president married
a woman who hadn't yet divorced
her
first husband -- and was branded an "adulterer"
during
his re-election campaign?
7. Which future president
wrote love letters to his neighbor's
wife
while he was engaged to someone else?
8. Which president had
a torrid affair with the first lady's
personal
secretary?
9. Which president made
love to a young woman in a White
House
coat closet -- at one point, while a secret service
agent
prevented the hysterical first lady from attacking
them?
10. Which president made
love in a closet while telling his
lover
about the *other* president who made love in a
closet
(the one in Question 9)?
11. Which vice president
was cheesed off because he felt that
HIS
record of sexual conquests was more impressive than
the
president's?
12. Which future president,
while a college student, loved
showing
off his manhood (which he named "Jumbo")?
--------------------------------------------------------
ANSWERS
1. John F. Kennedy
2. Bill Clinton
3. Lyndon B. Johnson
4. Thomas Jefferson
5. Bill Clinton
6. Andrew Jackson
7. George Washington
8. Franklin D. Roosevelt
9. Warren G. Harding
10. John F. Kennedy
11. Lyndon B. Johnson
12. Lyndon B. Johnson
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: You
Might Be A Republican If...
From: humorlist-digest V2 #213 on 98-09-10
You've tried to argue that poverty
could be abolished if
people were allowed to keep
more of their minimum wage.
You've ever referred to someone
as "my (insert racial or
ethnic minority here) friend"
You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.
You've ever referred to the moral fiber of something.
You've ever uttered the phrase,
"Why don't we just bomb
the sons of bitches."
You've ever called a secretary or waitress "Honey."
You don't think "The Simpsons"
is all that funny, but you
watch it because that Flanders
fellow makes a lot of sense.
You don't let your kids watch
Sesame Street because you
accuse Bert and Ernie of "sexual
deviance."
You use any of these terms to
describe your wife: Old ball
and chain, little woman, old
lady, tax credit...
You've argued that art has a
"moral foundation set in Western
values."
You think Birkenstock was that radical rock concert in 1969.
You argue that you need 300 handguns,
in case a bear
ever attacks your home.
Vietnam makes a lot of sense to you.
You point to Hootie and the Blowfish
as evidence of
the end of racism in America.
You've ever said "Clean air? Looks clean to me."
You've ever referred to Anita
Hill as a "lying bitch"
while attending a Bob Packwood
fund-raiser.
You spent MLK Day reading "The Bell Curve."
You've ever called education a luxury.
You look down through a glass ceiling and chuckle.
You wonder if donations to the Pentagon are tax-deductable.
You own a vehicle with an "Ollie North: American Hero" sticker.
You're afraid of the "liberal media."
You ever based an argument on
the phrase, "Well,
tradition dictates...."
You've ever called the National
Endowment for the
Arts a bunch of pornographers.
You think all artists are gay.
You ever told a child that Oscar
the Grouch "lives
in a trash can because he is
lazy and doesn't want
to contribute to society."
You've ever urged someone to
pull themselves up by
their bootstraps, when they
don't even have shoes.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Bill
Of No Rights (S77)
From: Tom_Adams on 98-07-18
(See http://www.lewisnapper.org/BillOfNoRights.html)
(See 'Bill
Gates' Message on Life' in JOBS3)
(See '12
Rules Kids Won't Learn In School' in SCHOOL2)
The following was written by
StateRepresentative Mitchell Kaye
from Cobb County, GA.
We, the sensible people of the
United States, in an attempt to
help everyone get along, restore
some semblance of justice,
avoid any more riots, keep our
nation safe, promote positive
behavior and secure the blessings
of debt-free liberty to
ourselves and our great-great-great
grandchildren, hereby try
one more time to ordain and
establish some common sense guide-
lines for the terminally whiny,
guilt-ridden, delusional and
other liberal, bedwetters. We
hold these truths to be self-
evident: that a whole lot of
people were confused by the Bill
of Rights and are so dim that
they require a Bill of No Rights
ARTICLE I: You do not have the
right to a new car, big screen
TV or any other form of wealth.
More power to you if you can
legally acquire them, but no
one is guaranteeing anything.
ARTICLE II: You do not have the
right to never be offended.
This country is based on freedom,
and that means freedom for
everyone-not just you!
You may leave the room, turn the
channel, express a different
opinion, etc., but the world is
full of idiots, and probable
always will be.
ARTICLE III: You do not have
the right to be free from harm.
If you stick a screwdriver in
your eye, learn to be more
careful, do not expect the tool
manufacturer to make you and
all your relatives independently
wealthy.
ARTICLE IV: You do not have the
right to free food and
housing. Americans are the most
charitable people to be found,
and will gladly help anyone
in need, but we are quickly
growing weary of subsidizing
generation after generation of
professional couch potatoes
who achieve nothing more than
the creation of another generation
of professional couch
potatoes.
ARTICLE V: You do not have the
right to free health care.
That would be nice, but from
the looks of public housing,
we're just not interested in
health care.
ARTICLE VI: You do not have the
right to physically harm
other people. If you kidnap,
rape, intentionally maim or
kill someone, don't be surprised
if the rest of us want to
see you fry in the electric
chair.
ARTICLE VII: You do not have
the right to the possessions
of others. If you rob,
cheat or coerce away the goods or
services of other citizens,
don't be surprised if the rest
of us get together and lock
you away in a place where you
still won't have the right to
a big-screen color TV or a
life of leisure.
ARTICLE VIII: You don't have
the right to demand that our
children risk their lives in
foreign wars to soothe your
aching conscience. We
hate oppressive government and won't
lift a finger to stop you from
going to fight if you'd
like. However, we do not
enjoy parenting the entire world
and do not want to spend so
much of our time battling each
and every little tyrant with
a military uniform and a
funny hat.
ARTICLE IX: You don't have the
right to a job. All of us
sure want all of you to have
one, and will gladly help
you along in hard times, but
we expect you to take
advantage of the opportunities
of education and vocational
training laid before you to
make yourself useful.
ARTICLE X: You do not have the
right to happiness. Being
an American means that you have
the right to pursue
happiness-which by the way,
is a lot easier if you are
unencumbered by an overabundance
of idiotic laws created
by those of you who were confused
by the Bill of Rights.
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Washington
And His Men Seek Shelter
From: RFSlick on 98-04-30
Gen George Washington and his
men had just finished a big
battle and were tired and wounded.
They were walking for
miles looking for a place to
stay when they came upon this
very small broken down shack.
Gen. Washington asked the man
who answered the door if he
had room to help some of his
men as they were tired and
sick. The man said, "As
you can see I only have room for
one man." Washington picked
out his most wounded man,
Private Cox, to stay there.
He left with the rest of
his men looking for another
place.
After walking for several miles
more, they finally saw
this big beautiful mansion on
a hill and proceeded to the
mansion. Washington rang
the bell and a beautiful woman
came to the door, and asked
him what he wanted. Washington
explained that he had just fought
a terrible battle and
that some of his men were wounded.
They were all tired
and needed some shelter and
a place to rest.
The Madam explained that the
place was actually a bordello,
but that they would be happy
to take in him and his men.
In fact, she was excited about
it. She said, "how many men
do you have? Washington
answered, "About 99 men without Cox."
The madam said. "You gotta be kidding me!"
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Salesman
Changes Parties (S62)
From: thebartend on 98-04-03
A salesman was travelling between
towns and got a flat tire
in the middle of nowhere.
Checking the spare, he found that
it was flat, too.
His only option was to flag down
a passing motorist and get
a ride to the nearest town.
The first vehicle to stop was
an old man in a pickup truck.
He yelled out the window to
the salesman "Need a lift?"
"Yes, I do", replied the salesman.
"You a Democrat or Republican?", asked the old man.
"A Republican", replied the salesman.
"Get screwed!", yelled the old man as he sped off.
The next to stop rolled down
the window and asked the
same question, to which the
salesman gave the same answer
"Republican." The driver
gave him the finger and drove
off. The salesman thought
it over, and decided that maybe
he should change his approach,
since there appeared to be
few Republicans in this area.
The next car to stop was a red
convertible driven by a
beautiful blonde. She
smiled seductively and asked him
if he were a Democrat or Republican.
"Democrat!", shouted the salesman.
"Hop in!", replied the blonde.
Driving down the road, he can't
help but stare at the
gorgeous woman in the seat next
to him. The wind blowing
through her hair, perfect breasts,
and a short skirt that
continues to ride higher and
higher up her thighs.
Finally, he yells "STOP THE
CAR! STOP THE CAR!"
She slams on the brakes, and,
as soon as the car stops,
he jumps out. "What's
the matter?", she asks.
"I can't take it!", he replies.
"I've only been a Democrat
for five minutes and already
I want to screw somebody!"
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Building
A Democrat
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #13
A little boy was playing with
a pile of shit, building
things. The Republican
comes over and says, "Hey little
boy, what are you building?"
"I'm building a Democrat," the little boy answers.
The Republican finds this totally
hilarious, and calls
over the nearest Democrat and
dares him to ask the kid
what he's doing. The Democrat
complies.
"So little boy, what are you doing?"
"I'm building a Democrat," repeats the boy.
"And why are you building a Democrat?" queries the Democrat.
"Well, I don't have enough shit to make a Republican."
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Penis
For President
From: Ossama's Laugh on 12/31/97
Tehran (Reuter) - For the past
few weeks, the behind the
doors discussion at many Iranian
newspaper and magazine
publishing outfits seems to
be revolving not around political,
social and economic issues,
but the spelling of Bob Dole's
name instead. It turns
out that the proper spelling of the
Republican Party's likely nominee,
Dole, is exactly the same
as that of the word penis in
Persian. "At first it might
seem funny to some people, but
it's creatinga serious issue
for us. How can we write headlines
using that word?," said
Majid Fanni, a prepress specialist
at a Tehran service bureau.
Professor Hassan Khadem, a Persian
literature lecturer at New
York University added "It's
actually not a real problem. In
Persian, certain vowels are
optional. [Therefore] they could
write his name a couple of different
ways to avoid the
ambiguity. But for an
exact pronunciation, 'Dowl' as opposed
to 'Dol', well, they'd have
to spell it that way." Fanni
explained "It's not easy. In
print, especially for headlines,
we don't use [optional] vowel
symbols. Because of that, his
name can be read in that way."
International organizations are
quite familiar and cognizant
of these types of issues.
General Motors for example, spends
over 300,000 dollars a year
just researching car names to make
sure they are not trade marked,
as well as being acceptable in
foreign countries.
Ali Zarkoob, a grade school teacher
in Western Tehran said
"I'm sure kids will find it
very funny. The humor magazines
will probably go crazy over
it too." A columnist for Tehran's
Hamshahri daily who requested
to remain anonymous stated "It's
a real problem that no one wants
to face. Think about it. What
should we write if he wins?
'Clinton loses Presidency'? That's
not right. 'Penis wins US Presidency'
isn't exactly acceptable
either."
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================Top
Subj: Sign
From Stalin Quote (S453)
From: Anon Jr. 9/22/2005
Source: http://www.northernsun.com/images/thumb/5522ThoseW
 |
\\\//
-(o o)-
========================oOO==(_)==OOo=======================
 |
Political Smilies from
Smiley_Central |