Subj: Political 1 Jokes
..........(Includes 47 jokes, 12 1126,13,cf,wYT2d3e,5)
..........Click "Here" for Political-Supp3
for Political 2
Two Parties from
Also see BARBER file - 'Bazarro
......................- 'Free Haircuts'
BATHROOM-SUPP- 'Doonesbury On The Senator Craig Scandal'
BEARS file - 'Montana Bear Tragedy'
BIRD-CHICKEN - 'Roosters And Bell Ringing'
......................- 'Why Did The Chicken...(Political_update)'
......................- 'Why Did The Chicken...(Political)'
BLACK2 file - 'Barack Obama Speaks at Dr. King's Church'
......................- 'Jesse Jackson Turns White'
BREASTS file - 'Speech By Candidate'
BUMPERSTICKRS- 'Election Bumper Stickers'
CATHOLIC file- 'Kerry Contributes To Catholic Church'
CHRISTMAS3 - 'Twas A Week Past Election.....'
CHRISTMAS4 - 'Christmas Political Poem'
......................- 'Supreme Court Ruled On Nativity Scene'
CHRISTMAS-SUP- 'How to Tell A Democrat From A Republican'
CLINTON-HILRY- 'John Lewis Christmas TV Advert 2016' - Video
......................- 'John Lewis Christmas Parody' - Video
......................- 'Hillary-Trump' - Sign
CLINTONSCANDl- 'Lewinsky Kaczynski Limerick'
CLOTHING-SUPP- 'The Problem with Socks By Barbara Bush' - Video
COLLEGE1 file- 'College Student Talks To Her Dad'
COLLEGE2 file- 'Speech By Charlton Heston at Harvard'
CONDOM file - 'US Sends Russia Condoms'
COWS_SHEEP - 'Ann Landers - You Have Two Cows' - Newspaper Article
......................- 'You Have Two Cows Vers. II'
COWS_SHEP-SUP- 'Sheep Protest!' - Video
DOG1 file - 'Dog Sex Scandal' - Photo
DRINKING-BER1- 'Last 12,000 Years Of History'
.........DRINK-BER-SUP- 'What Your Beer Says About Your Politics'
ENGLISHMAN - 'The British Speak About Election 2000'
ENGLISH-SUPP - 'America Britain Competition' - Sign
......................- 'Collective Nouns In The English Language'
FACTS4 file - 'How Lincoln And John F. Kennedy Were Alike'
FARMER1 file - 'Joke From President Lincoln'
FART-SUPP - 'Candorville Comic Strip'
FOOTBALL-SUPP- 'Mallard Fillmore' - Cartoon
GAMES file - 'Presidential Knock-Out'
GAMES2 file - 'White House Joust'
HALLOWEEN - 'Halloween Heads'
HALLOWEEN-SUP- 'Gary Varvel Cartoons'
......................- 'Left-Wing Vs. Right-Wing Halloween'
HEAD-ADS-SUPP- 'Ronald Reagan's Chesterfield Ads'
HEAVEN2 file - '11th Commandment'
HOOKER2 file - 'Jimmy Carter Picks A Hooker'
HORSES file - 'Father O'Malley Calls John Kerry'
......................- 'Pastor Finds Dead Donkey'
HOW_MANY - 'How Many Republicans to Change a Lightbulb?'
JEWISH1 file - 'Jewish President Invites Mom For Thanksgiving'
JEWISH2 file - 'Yiddish Curses For Republican Jews'
JOB1 file - 'Beating A Dead Horse'
KIDS1 file - 'Dad Explains Politics'
LAWYER2 file - 'Roosevelt's Talk To His Son'
LETTERS2 file- 'Dear Tide'
FAMOUS-PEOPL1- 'Short Kennedy Jokes '
MOVIES2-SUPP - 'A Scene From HBO's Series The Newsroom' - Video
NATIONAL file- 'Chads by Dr. Seuss:'
......................- 'Picking A World Leader'
NATIONAL2 - 'Social Security'
......................- 'What Time Is It?'
......................- 'The Future In Year 2035'
NATIONAL-SUPP- 'George Carlin ~ The American Dream' - Video
NATIONAL-SUP2- 'Welfare Poem From 1949' - Newspaper Article
NATIVE AMERCN- 'Politician Visits Reservation'
NEW YEARS - 'To All My Democratic Friends:'
PENIS-SUPP - 'Federally Funded Penis Pumps On The Daily Show - Video
POLIT-BUSH - 'Three Politicians And The Firing Squad'
POLIT-CLINTON- 'Clinton Jogs By The Memorials'
PLT-CLNTSCDL1- 'Four Presidents Visit Oz'
......................- (see whole file)
POLIT-OBAMA - 'Vocal Impersonator Steve Bridges' - Video
PREACHER file- 'Invocation In The Kansas Senate
PREACHER-SUPP- 'The Preacher's Son'
PRIEST3 file - 'Dinner Honors Priest's 25th Year'
QUOTES2 file - 'Bush Quotes'
......................- 'Bush Quotes And Joke Journal'
......................- 'M. Barry Quotes'
SCHOOL1 file - 'Marshall Ramsey Political Cartoons'
......................- 'Frank And Ernest Cartoon'
SCHOOL-SUPP - 'First Grade Teacher Explains Politics'
SCOTTISH file- 'Scottish Farmer Saves A Boy'
SHIT file - 'Dan Rather Talks To Little Tommy On A Plane'
......................- 'Political Promises'
SIGNS-SUPP - 'Casa D'Ice Restaurant Signs'
SOUTHERNER - 'Democrat, Republican, or Southern Republican'
TAXES-SUPP - 'Senator Sanders' Top 10 Corporate Tax Avoiders:' - Video
TEST-SUPP - 'Two Tough Questions'
THANKSGIV-SUP- 'Sarah Palin Pardons A Turkey'
......................- 'Sarah Palin Pardons A Turkey II'
......................- 'Carlson Political Cartoon'
......................- 'Ann Telnaes Political Cartoon'
THGHTS-LRN-SP- 'Quotes By Abe Lincoln'
THTS-SLY-SUPP- 'Politically Correct Phrases'
Subj: Donald Trump Interviews Himself (S974)
by Tonight Show w/Jimmy Fallon (d-On Site)
.......On the The Tonight Show before his interview with
.......Jimmy Fallon, Donald Trump interviews his "reflection"
.......in the mirror. Click 'HERE' to view this great skit.
MSNBC News Anchor Loses
.............It On Air (S913d-iFrame)
Posted by UpWorthy.com
MSNBC News Anchor Dylan Ratigan's
transpartisan rant was
something that could be equally appreciated by activists
on the Left and the Tea Party Right.
to see and listen to this all too true analysis
Subj: Presidential Affairs (S90, S656)
From: RFSlick on 1998
Boy if this is true our presidents
are all the same,
but of course we knew that.
1. Which president smoked
marijuana with a nude playgirl
while he joked about being too wasted to "push the
button" in case of nuclear attack?
2. Which president allegedly
had affairs with both a winner
AND a finalist in the Miss America pageant?
3. Which president made
love to one of his secretaries
stretched out atop a desk in the oval office?
4. Which president allegedly
had an affair (as well as
children) with a slave who was his wife's half sister?
5. Which president called his mistress "Pookie"?
6. Which president married
a woman who hadn't yet divorced
her first husband -- and was branded an "adulterer"
during his re-election campaign?
7. Which future president
wrote love letters to his neighbor's
wife while he was engaged to someone else?
8. Which president had
a torrid affair with the first lady's
9. Which president made
love to a young woman in a White
House coat closet -- at one point, while a secret service
agent prevented the hysterical first lady from attacking
10. Which president made
love in a closet while telling his
lover about the *other* president who made love in a
closet (the one in Question 9)?
11. Which vice president
was cheesed off because he felt that
HIS record of sexual conquests was more impressive than
12. Which future president,
while a college student, loved
showing off his manhood (which he named "Jumbo")?
1. John F. Kennedy
2. Bill Clinton
3. Lyndon B. Johnson
4. Thomas Jefferson
5. Bill Clinton
6. Andrew Jackson
7. George Washington
8. Franklin D. Roosevelt
9. Warren G. Harding
10. John F. Kennedy
11. Lyndon B. Johnson
12. Lyndon B. Johnson
Subj: Non Sequitur Comic Strip (S970)
By Wiley Miller in 2015
Check Your Political Pulse (S403)
From: JOELFALLON in 2004 (d-On Site,SWF)
..........Source: (Removed from politicalpulse.us)
In this cute flash video you
can learn your political
leaning. Click 'HERE' for my copy, to try it.
Subj: Republicans Have Two Presidential Candidates
From: jerry in 2004 (S391, DU)
News Item: Ralph Nader submits
5,400 signatures to get on the
Michigan ballot, 24,600 short of the requirement. Michigan
Republicans then submit 43,000 signatures on his behalf knowing
that Nader will siphon votes away from Kerry in the Presidential
Subj: Reflections of Great Minds on Government
From: Imogenelumen in 2004 (S388, DU)
About Politicians" in Political2)
| 1) Suppose you were
And suppose you were a
member of Congress. But I
2) A government which robs
3) A liberal is someone who
5) The inherent vice of capitalism
is the unequal sharing
of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is
the equal sharing of misery.......Winston Churchill
6) Foreign aid might be
defined as a transfer of money from
poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor
countries........Douglas Casey, Classmate of Bill Clinton
at Georgetown University
7) There is no distinctly
native American criminal class, ,
save Congress.......Mark Twain
|| 8) The ultimate result
shielding men from the
effects of folly is to
fill the world with fools..
Herbert Spencer, English
9) Democracy must be something
10) Giving money and power to
government is like giving
whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.................
P.J O'Rourke, Civil Libertarian
11) Government is the great fiction,
through which everybody
endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else......
Frederic Bastiat, French Economist (1801-1850)
12) Government's view of the
economy could be summed up in a
few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps
moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidize
it..........Ronald Reagan (1986)
13) What this country needs are
more unemployed politicians..
Edward Langley, Artist (1928 - 1995)
| 14) If you think
is expensive now, wait
until you see what it
costs when it's free
15) If you want government
16) Talk is cheap ... except
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 9/14/2005
17b) "There's no trick to being a humorist when you have
the whole government working for you." -- Will Rogers
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 12/19/2005
17c "Politicians can do more funny things naturally than
I can think of to do purposely" -- Will Rogers
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 2/15/2006
17d "If I studied all my life, I couldn't think up half the
number of funny things passed in one session of congress."
-- Will Rogers
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 3/6/2006
17e "The trouble with political jokes is that very often
they get elected." -- Will Rogers
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 5/6/2006
17f "The taxpayers are sending congressmen on expensive trips
abroad. It might be worth it except they keep coming back!"
-- Will Rogers
From: Joke-Of-The-Day-Mail.com on 8/9/2006
17g "We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had
to work its way through Congress. " -- Will Rogers
18) In general, the art of government
consists in taking
as much money as possible from one party of the citizens
to give to the other.........Voltaire (1764)
19) Just because you do not take
an interest in politics
doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you...
Pericles (430 B.C.)
20) No man's life, liberty, or
property is safe while the
legislature is in session.....Mark Twain (1866)
|| 21) The government is like
a baby's alimentary
canal, with a happy
appetite at one end
and no responsibility
at the other.........
22) A government big enough
23) The only difference
! 24) They're all liars.........Bob Thorne
Subj: Bert + Ernie = Bernie (S997)
From: Phyllis Lazarek in 2016
Subj: How To Tell Republicans From Democrats:
From: agrief in 2001 (S233, DU)
(See 'How To Tell A Democrat From A Republican' in CHRISTMAS-SUPP)
Democrats buy most of the books
that have been banned somewhere.
Republicans form censorship committees and read them as a group.
Democrats give their worn out
clothes to those less fortunate.
Republicans wear theirs.
Democrats name their children
after currently popular sports
figures, politicians, and entertainers.
Republican children are named after their parents or
grandparents, according to where the money is.
Republicans tend to keep their
shades drawn, although there
is seldom any reason why they should.
Democrats ought to, but don't.
Republican boys date Democratic
girls. They plan to marry
Republican girls, but feel that they're entitled to a
little fun first.
Democrats make plans and then
do something else.
Republicans follow the plans their grandfathers made.
Republicans sleep in twin beds--some
even in separate rooms.
That is why there are more Democrats.
Politics: It all really just boils down to this:
Democrats: Give them a second chance.
Republicans: Give them the swift sword of death.
Democrats: Give them some food.
Republicans: Give them the swift sword of death.
Democrats: Give them protection.
Republicans: Give them the swift sword of death.
Democrats: Give them a way out.
Republicans: Give them the swift sword of death.
Democrats: Give them health care.
Republicans: Give them the swift sword of death.
Republicans: $29.95 (cost of one sword)
Subj: B.C. Comic Strip (S927)
By Mastroianni and Hart in 2014
Subj: Washington And His Men Seek Shelter
From: RFSlick in 1998
Gen George Washington and his
men had just finished a big
battle and were tired and wounded. They were walking for
miles looking for a place to stay when they came upon this
very small broken down shack.
Gen. Washington asked the man
who answered the door if he
had room to help some of his men as they were tired and
sick. The man said, "As you can see I only have room for
one man." Washington picked out his most wounded man,
Private Cox, to stay there. He left with the rest of
his men looking for another place.
After walking for several miles
more, they finally saw
this big beautiful mansion on a hill and proceeded to the
mansion. Washington rang the bell and a beautiful woman
came to the door, and asked him what he wanted. Washington
explained that he had just fought a terrible battle and
that some of his men were wounded. They were all tired
and needed some shelter and a place to rest.
The Madam explained that the
place was actually a bordello,
but that they would be happy to take in him and his men.
In fact, she was excited about it. She said, "how many men
do you have? Washington answered, "About 99 men without Cox."
The madam said. "You gotta be kidding me!"
Subj: Trump Meets The Honeymooners (S1001)
From: Karen LaRiviere in 2016 (d-iFrame)
.............Click 'HERE' to see this cute skit.
Subj: You Might Be A Republican If...
From: humorlist-digest V2 #213 in 1998
You've tried to argue that poverty
could be abolished if
people were allowed to keep more of their minimum wage.
You've ever referred to someone
as "my (insert racial or
ethnic minority here) friend"
You're a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.
You've ever referred to the moral fiber of something.
You've ever uttered the phrase,
"Why don't we just bomb
the sons of bitches."
You've ever called a secretary or waitress "Honey."
You don't think "The Simpsons"
is all that funny, but you
watch it because that Flanders fellow makes a lot of sense.
You don't let your kids watch
Sesame Street because you
accuse Bert and Ernie of "sexual deviance."
You use any of these terms to
describe your wife: Old ball
and chain, little woman, old lady, tax credit...
You've argued that art has a
"moral foundation set in Western
You think Birkenstock was that radical rock concert in 1969.
You argue that you need 300 handguns,
in case a bear
ever attacks your home.
Vietnam makes a lot of sense to you.
You point to Hootie and the Blowfish
as evidence of
the end of racism in America.
You've ever said "Clean air? Looks clean to me."
You've ever referred to Anita
Hill as a "lying bitch"
while attending a Bob Packwood fund-raiser.
You spent MLK Day reading "The Bell Curve."
You've ever called education a luxury.
You look down through a glass ceiling and chuckle.
You wonder if donations to the Pentagon are tax-deductable.
You own a vehicle with an "Ollie North: American Hero" sticker.
You're afraid of the "liberal media."
You ever based an argument on
the phrase, "Well,
You've ever called the National
Endowment for the
Arts a bunch of pornographers.
You think all artists are gay.
You ever told a child that Oscar
the Grouch "lives
in a trash can because he is lazy and doesn't want
to contribute to society."
You've ever urged someone to
pull themselves up by
their bootstraps, when they don't even have shoes.
Subj: Trump Urinal (S989)
From: Birgit Rickert on Facebook
Subj: Bill Of No Rights (S77)
From: Tom_Adams in 1998
Gates' Message on Life' in JOBS3)
and '12 Rules Kids Won't Learn In School' in SCHOOL2)
The following was written by
StateRepresentative Mitchell Kaye
from Cobb County, GA.
We, the sensible people of the
United States, in an attempt to
help everyone get along, restore some semblance of justice,
avoid any more riots, keep our nation safe, promote positive
behavior and secure the blessings of debt-free liberty to
ourselves and our great-great-great grandchildren, hereby try
one more time to ordain and establish some common sense guide-
lines for the terminally whiny, guilt-ridden, delusional and
other liberal, bedwetters. We hold these truths to be self-
evident: that a whole lot of people were confused by the Bill
of Rights and are so dim that they require a Bill of No Rights
ARTICLE I: You do not have the
right to a new car, big screen
TV or any other form of wealth. More power to you if you can
legally acquire them, but no one is guaranteeing anything.
ARTICLE II: You do not have the
right to never be offended.
This country is based on freedom, and that means freedom for
everyone-not just you! You may leave the room, turn the
channel, express a different opinion, etc., but the world is
full of idiots, and probable always will be.
ARTICLE III: You do not have
the right to be free from harm.
If you stick a screwdriver in your eye, learn to be more
careful, do not expect the tool manufacturer to make you and
all your relatives independently wealthy.
ARTICLE IV: You do not have the
right to free food and
housing. Americans are the most charitable people to be found,
and will gladly help anyone in need, but we are quickly
growing weary of subsidizing generation after generation of
professional couch potatoes who achieve nothing more than
the creation of another generation of professional couch
ARTICLE V: You do not have the
right to free health care.
That would be nice, but from the looks of public housing,
we're just not interested in health care.
ARTICLE VI: You do not have the
right to physically harm
other people. If you kidnap, rape, intentionally maim or
kill someone, don't be surprised if the rest of us want to
see you fry in the electric chair.
ARTICLE VII: You do not have
the right to the possessions
of others. If you rob, cheat or coerce away the goods or
services of other citizens, don't be surprised if the rest
of us get together and lock you away in a place where you
still won't have the right to a big-screen color TV or a
life of leisure.
ARTICLE VIII: You don't have
the right to demand that our
children risk their lives in foreign wars to soothe your
aching conscience. We hate oppressive government and won't
lift a finger to stop you from going to fight if you'd
like. However, we do not enjoy parenting the entire world
and do not want to spend so much of our time battling each
and every little tyrant with a military uniform and a
ARTICLE IX: You don't have the
right to a job. All of us
sure want all of you to have one, and will gladly help
you along in hard times, but we expect you to take
advantage of the opportunities of education and vocational
training laid before you to make yourself useful.
ARTICLE X: You do not have the
right to happiness. Being
an American means that you have the right to pursue
happiness-which by the way, is a lot easier if you are
unencumbered by an overabundance of idiotic laws created
by those of you who were confused by the Bill of Rights.
Subj: Mallard Cartoons (S1010)
By Bruce Tinsley in 2016
Subj: Penis For President
From: Ossama's Laugh in 1997
Tehran (Reuter) - For the past
few weeks, the behind the
doors discussion at many Iranian newspaper and magazine
publishing outfits seems to be revolving not around political,
social and economic issues, but the spelling of Bob Dole's
name instead. It turns out that the proper spelling of the
Republican Party's likely nominee, Dole, is exactly the same
as that of the word penis in Persian. "At first it might
seem funny to some people, but it's creatinga serious issue
for us. How can we write headlines using that word?" said
Majid Fanni, a prepress specialist at a Tehran service bureau.
Professor Hassan Khadem, a Persian
literature lecturer at New
York University added "It's actually not a real problem. In
Persian, certain vowels are optional. [Therefore] they could
write his name a couple of different ways to avoid the
ambiguity. But for an exact pronunciation, 'Dowl' as opposed
to 'Dol', well, they'd have to spell it that way." Fanni
explained "It's not easy. In print, especially for headlines,
we don't use [optional] vowel symbols. Because of that, his
name can be read in that way."
International organizations are
quite familiar and cognizant
of these types of issues. General Motors for example, spends
over 300,000 dollars a year just researching car names to make
sure they are not trade marked, as well as being acceptable in
Ali Zarkoob, a grade school teacher
in Western Tehran said
"I'm sure kids will find it very funny. The humor magazines
will probably go crazy over it too." A columnist for Tehran's
Hamshahri daily who requested to remain anonymous stated "It's
a real problem that no one wants to face. Think about it. What
should we write if he wins? 'Clinton loses Presidency'? That's
not right. 'Penis wins US Presidency' isn't exactly acceptable
Subj: Trumped Skit On Jimmy Kimmel Live (S1002)
by Jimmy Kimmel Live in 2016 (d-iFrame)
.......Click 'HERE' to see Matthew Broderick and Nathan
.............Lane star in this cute skit about Trump.
Subj: Building A Democrat
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #13
A little boy was playing with
a pile of shit, building
things. The Republican comes over and says, "Hey little
boy, what are you building?"
"I'm building a Democrat," the little boy answers.
The Republican finds this totally
hilarious, and calls
over the nearest Democrat and dares him to ask the kid
what he's doing. The Democrat complies.
"So little boy, what are you doing?"
"I'm building a Democrat," repeats the boy.
"And why are you building a Democrat?" queries the Democrat.
"Well, I don't have enough shit to make a Republican."
Subj: Non Sequitur Cartoon (S999)
By Wiley Miller in 2016
Subj: Prerequisites For Modern Liberal Democrats
From: JCary in 2000 (S159, DU)
To all of my Liberal friends,
if you score less than 50%
(true/false), you probably need to change your party
1) You have to believe the AIDS
virus is spread by
a lack of funding.
2) You have to be against capital punishment, but
for abortion on demand, in short you support
protecting the guilty and killing the innocent.
3) You have to believe that the same public school
teacher who can't teach 4th graders how to read is
qualified to teach those same kids about sex.
4) You have to believe that trial lawyers are
selfless heroes and doctors are overpaid.
5) You have to believe that guns in the hands of
law-abiding Americans are more of a threat than
nuclear weapons in the hands of the Red Chinese.
6) You have to believe that global temperatures are
less affected by cyclical, documented changes in the
Sun, and more affected by SUVs.
7) You have to believe that gender roles are
artificial but being gay is natural.
8) You have to believe that businesses create
oppression and governments create prosperity.
9) You have to believe that hunters don't care
about nature but animal rights activists who've
never been outside Seattle do.
10) You have to believe that self-esteem is more
important than actually doing something to earn it.
11) You have to believe there was no art before
12) You have to believe the military, not corrupt
politicians, start wars.
13) You have to believe the free market that gives plus
500+ channels can't deliver the quality that PBS does.
14) You have to believe the NRA is bad, because it stands
up for certain parts of the Constitution, while
the ACLU is good, because they stand up for certain
parts of the Constitution.
15) You have to believe that taxes are too low but
ATM fees are too high.
16) You have to believe that Harriet Tubman, Cesar
Chavez and Gloria Steinem are more important to
American history than Thomas Jefferson, General
Robert E. Lee or Thomas Edison.
17) You have to believe that standardized tests are
racist, but racial quotas and set-asides aren't.
18) You have to believe that second-hand smoke is
more dangerous than HIV.
19) You have to believe Hilary Clinton is really a
lady and Rosie O'Donnell is not really a man.
20) You have to believe that conservatives are
racists, but that black people couldn't make it
without your help.
21) You have to believe that the only reason socialism
hasn't worked anywhere it's been tried is because
the right people haven't been in charge.
Subj: Sign From Stalin Quote (S453)
From: Anon Jr. in 2005
Source: (Removed from northernsun.com)