Subj: Short Jokes
(Includes 49 jokes and articles, 23 1075,15,cLf,wXT3a6a,10)
Badger's Animated GIF Gallery
Also see WORD_JOKES1 - 'Knock
WORD_JOKES2 - 'A Few Tom Swifties'
Subj: Zits (S997)
by Jerry Scott and Jim Borgman on 2/19/2016
Dads Tell Short Jokes (S1064)
From: samhutkins on 6/4/2017
Click 'HERE' to see REAL Evite Dads tell their best Dad jokes.
Subj: 18 Sarcasms of the Day (S1075)
From: Bill Lee 0n 8/23/2017
I changed my car horn to gunshot
People move out of the way much faster now!
Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers.
Now they drink like their fathers.
You know that tingly little feeling you get when you
really like someone? That's common sense leaving your body.
I don't like making plans for the day because then
the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.
I didn't make it to the gym today.
That makes five years in a row.
I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it
the Jim. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators.
We haven't met yet...
I don't need anger management.
I need people to stop irritating me!
Old age is coming at a really bad time! (Yep)
When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment...
now, as a grown up, it just feels like a small vacation! (Amen)
The biggest lie I tell myself is...
"I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it." (Oh Boy)
My people skills are just fine.
It's my tolerance of idiots that needs working on.
If God wanted me to touch my toes,
he would've put them on my knees.
The kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please.
I text back "no" which is shorter than "yes."
I'm going to retire and live off of my savings.
Not sure what I'll do the second week.
Even duct tape can't fix stupid..
but it can muffle the sound!
Why do I have to press one for English when you're just
gonna transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?
Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
Amazing Street Dancing Act (S928d-On Site)
From: Domenic Manchester on Facebook
Source: (Removed from facebook.com/video)
Click 'HERE' to see this great, thirty
second street act.
Telling People Corny Jokes (S862)
From: Wimp.com on 7/13/13 (d-Object)
LAHWF Presents Andrew Hales telling
corny, short jokes.
Click 'HERE' to watch, and listen, and groan.
Subj: Frank And Ernest Cartoon II (S838)
by Bob Thaves on 1/30/2013
Drunk Tilted Room Skit (S713b, S838)
From: Wimp.com on 6/21/2010 (d-Object)
Shaun Micallef plays a drunk
where the studio set is a
tilted room. It is from the first season of the Micallef
Show on the ABC. Click 'HERE' to see this cute, silly skit.
Subj: Hurricane Irene Warning (S760)
From" Ruby Lou on Facebook on 8/27/2011
** THIS JUST IN ** As Hurricane
Irene prepares to batter the
East Coast, federal disaster officials have warned that
Internet outages could force people to interact with other
people for the first time in years. Residents are bracing
themselves for the horror of awkward silences and unwanted
eye contact. FEMA has advised: "Be prepared. Write down
possible topics to talk about in advance. Sports...the
weather. Remember, a conversation is basically a series
of Facebook updates strung together."
Cool Party Trick (S668d-On Site)
From: Wimp.com on 10/28/2008
to watch the video and learn how to
do an amazing party trick.
Subj: The Wizard of Id Cartoon (DU)
by Parker and Hart on 11/29/2008
Water And Pepper Trick (S673b,d-On Site)
From: Wimp.com on 12/2/2009
Click 'HERE' to learn this cute trick with water, pepper, and a bowl.
Subj: Frank And Ernest Cartoon (S614b)
by Bob Thaves on 10/16/2008
Subj: Short Jokes
Bizarro Cartoon (S757)
By Dan Piraro on 7/14/2011
|Drawing from CafePress.com|
Rock Quiz (S675b)
From: StarTribune.com on 12/16/2009
Drawing from KingFeatures.com
|To see other Asimov quizes click on||.|
The Flying McCoys Cartoon (S658b)
by Glenn and Gary McCoy on 8/20/2009
Animated Stickman - GIF (S502b,d)
From: darrell94590 on 8/30/2006
Subj: Vitamine Jokes
From: my childhood
A drunk and a crack head were walking down the street one
day. The drunk said "When I clean up my act I going to
be a fireman."
The crack head replied "When
I clean up my act I'm going
to be a vitamine". The drunk stood there with a bewildered
look on his face as the crack head explained "I was walking
down the street the other day when I saw a billboard which
said 'Vitamine B1'.
Subj: Humor Sign (S446b)
From: LABLaughsRiddles on 8/2/2005
Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
So why is it that Americans are finding the doggie-position
more and more acceptable?
I believe it is so they can both continue watching television.
What did the digital watch say
to his mom? "Look mom no hands."
From: The Bartender Joke Of The Day
on 07/05/97 (S661)
If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it
follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted,
cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and
dry cleaners depressed?
From: humorlist-digest V3 #19 on 99-01-23
"No one ever says 'It's only a game' when their team is
From: ossama on 99-01-27 (S105)
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
From: Bawdy.Net Collage #284 on 99-02-06
Too may freaks, not enough circuses.
From: RFSlick on 99-02-05 (S106)
Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
From: pns on 3/30/2001 (S218)
Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.
From: ossama on 99-02-15 (S108)
A new study reports that vitamin E can help cure memory loss.
Or was it vitamin D?
From: PGM2R4U on 5/23/99 (S121)
Many men smoke------but Fu men chu
From: KMACINTY on 1/17/2003 (S311)
Once you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.
From: LABLaughsClean on 2/6/2009 (S631b)
Did I like nut another to it send retard a like
this reading time sweet your took you since.
( Now read it backwards )
From: Today's Joke of the Day on 1/6/2012
Two silk worms were in a race. What was the result? A tie!
From: Today's Joke of the Day on 3/3/2012
Q: Why was the little strawberry crying?
A: Because his parents were in a jam.