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Subj:         Short Jokes
                       (Includes 49 jokes and articles, 23 1075,15,cLf,wXT3a6a,10)

Hello Flower
from
Badger's Animated GIF Gallery
Includes the following:  Zits Cartoons (S997)
.........................Dads Tell Short Jokes - Video (S1064)
.........................18 Sarcasms of the Day (S1075)
.........................Amazing Street Dancing Act (S928)
.........................Telling People Corny Jokes - Video (S862)
.........................Frank And Ernest Cartoon II (S838)
.........................Drunk Tilted Room Skit - Video (S713b, S838)
.........................Hurricane Irene Warning (S760)
.........................Cool Party Trick - Video (S668)
.........................The Wizard of Id Cartoon (DU)
.........................Water And Pepper Trick - Video (S673b)
.........................Frank And Ernest Cartoon (S614b)
.........................Short Jokes
..............................Bizarro Cartoon (S757)
..............................Asimov's Super Quiz On Rocks (S675b)
..............................The Flying McCoys Cartoon (S658b)
..............................Animated Stickman - GIF (S502b)
..............................Vitamine Jokes
..............................Humor Sign (S446b)

Also see WORD_JOKES1  - 'Knock Knock Jokes'
         WORD_JOKES2  - 'A Few Tom Swifties'
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Subj:     Zits (S997)
          by Jerry Scott and Jim Borgman on 2/19/2016
 Source: http://comicskingdom.com/zits/2016-02-19
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Subj:     Dads Tell Short Jokes (S1064)
          From: samhutkins on 6/4/2017
 Source: https://www.youtube.
.........com/embed/DcUJ61V8ifo

 Click 'HERE' to see REAL Evite Dads tell their best Dad jokes.

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Subj:     18 Sarcasms of the Day (S1075)
          From: Bill Lee 0n 8/23/2017
 Source: http://community.ebay.com/t5/The-Soapbox/Old-Age/m-p/26518726

 I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds.
 People move out of the way much faster now!
 
 Gone are the days when girls used to cook like their mothers.
 Now they drink like their fathers.
 
 You know that tingly little feeling you get when you
 really like someone? That's common sense leaving your body.
 
 I don't like making plans for the day because then
 the word "premeditated" gets thrown around in the courtroom.
 
 I didn't make it to the gym today.
 That makes five years in a row.
 
 I decided to change calling the bathroom the John and renamed it
 the Jim. I feel so much better saying I went to the Jim this morning.
 
 Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators.
 We haven't met yet...
 
 I don't need anger management.
 I need people to stop irritating me!
 
 Old age is coming at a really bad time! (Yep)
 
 When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment...
 now, as a grown up, it just feels like a small vacation! (Amen)
 
 The biggest lie I tell myself is...
 "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it." (Oh Boy)
 
 My people skills are just fine.
 It's my tolerance of idiots that needs working on.
 
 If God wanted me to touch my toes,
 he would've put them on my knees.
 
 The kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please.
 I text back "no" which is shorter than "yes."
 
 I'm going to retire and live off of my savings.
 Not sure what I'll do the second week.
 
 Even duct tape can't fix stupid..
 but it can muffle the sound!
 
 Why do I have to press one for English when you're just
 gonna transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?
 
 Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.

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Subj:     Amazing Street Dancing Act (S928d-On Site)
          From: Domenic Manchester on Facebook
 Source: (Removed from facebook.com/video)
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 Click 'HERE' to see this great, thirty
 second street act.
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Subj:     Telling People Corny Jokes (S862)
          From: Wimp.com on 7/13/13 (d-Object)
 Source1: www.youtube.com/embed/xRyYqONTZs0
 Source2: http://www.wimp.com/peoplejokes/

 LAHWF Presents Andrew Hales telling corny, short jokes.
 Click 'HERE' to watch, and listen, and groan.

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Subj:     Frank And Ernest Cartoon II (S838)
          by Bob Thaves on 1/30/2013
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/frank-and-ernest/2013/01/30
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Subj:     Drunk Tilted Room Skit (S713b, S838)
          From: Wimp.com on 6/21/2010 (d-Object)
 Source1: https://www.youtube.com/embed/f137krHs6Cs
 Source2: http://www.wimp.com/tiltedroom/

 Shaun Micallef plays a drunk where the studio set is a
 tilted room. It is from the first season of the Micallef
 Show on the ABC. Click 'HERE' to see this cute, silly skit.

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Subj:     Hurricane Irene Warning (S760)
          From" Ruby Lou on Facebook on 8/27/2011

 ** THIS JUST IN ** As Hurricane Irene prepares to batter the
 East Coast, federal disaster officials have warned that
 Internet outages could force people to interact with other
 people for the first time in years.  Residents are bracing
 themselves for the horror of awkward silences and unwanted
 eye contact.  FEMA has advised: "Be prepared.  Write down
 possible topics to talk about in advance.  Sports...the
 weather.  Remember, a conversation is basically a series
 of Facebook updates strung together."

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Subj:     Cool Party Trick (S668d-On Site)
          From: Wimp.com on 10/28/2008
 Source: http://www.wimp.com/sweetparty/

 Click 'HERE' to watch the video and learn how to
 do an amazing party trick.

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Subj:     The Wizard of Id Cartoon (DU)
          by Parker and Hart on 11/29/2008
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/wizardofid/2008/11/29
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Subj:     Water And Pepper Trick (S673b,d-On Site)
          From: Wimp.com on 12/2/2009
          At: http://www.wimp.com/peppertrick/

 Click 'HERE' to learn this cute trick with water, pepper, and a bowl.

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Subj:     Frank And Ernest Cartoon (S614b)
          by Bob Thaves on 10/16/2008
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/frank-and-ernest/2008/10/16
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Subj:     Short Jokes

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Subj:     Bizarro Cartoon (S757)
          By Dan Piraro on 7/14/2011
 Source: http://bizarro.com/comics/july-14-2011/
Drawing from CafePress.com
 Click 'HERE' to see this bizarre, clown cartoon
 on the origin of jokes.
 

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Subj:     Rock Quiz (S675b)
          From: StarTribune.com on 12/16/2009
Drawing from KingFeatures.com
 Source: (Removed from superquiz.king-online.com)
 Each answer contains "rock" in it's name. (e.g., The traditional
 landing site of the Mayflower. Answer; Plymouth Rock.)
 Click 'HERE' to test your knowledge.
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 To see other Asimov quizes click on .
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Subj:     The Flying McCoys Cartoon (S658b)
          by Glenn and Gary McCoy on 8/20/2009
 Source: http://www.gocomics.com/theflyingmccoys/2009/08/20
 Click 'HERE' to see this cartoon about smoking in
 today's world.
 

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Subj:     Animated Stickman - GIF (S502b,d)
          From: darrell94590 on 8/30/2006
 To view this cute animated stickman, click 'HERE'.
 

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Subj:     Vitamine Jokes
          From: my childhood
 A drunk and a crack head were walking down the street one
 day.  The drunk said "When I clean up my act I going to
 be a fireman."

 The crack head replied "When I clean up my act I'm going
 to be a vitamine".  The drunk stood there with a bewildered
 look on his face as the crack head explained "I was walking
 down the street the other day when I saw a billboard which
 said 'Vitamine B1'.
 


Subj:     Humor Sign (S446b)
          From: LABLaughsRiddles on 8/2/2005
          Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
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 So why is it that Americans are finding the doggie-position
    more and more acceptable?
 I believe it is so they can both continue watching television.

 What did the digital watch say to his mom? "Look mom no hands."
    --  unknown

From: The Bartender Joke Of The Day on 07/05/97 (S661)
 If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it
 follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted,
 cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked and
 dry cleaners depressed?

From: humorlist-digest V3 #19 on 99-01-23 (S104)
 "No one ever says 'It's only a game' when their team is
 winning."

From: ossama on 99-01-27 (S105)
 I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

From: Bawdy.Net Collage #284 on 99-02-06
 Too may freaks, not enough circuses.

From: RFSlick on 99-02-05 (S106)
 Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.

From: pns on 3/30/2001 (S218)
 Snowmen fall from Heaven unassembled.

From: ossama on 99-02-15 (S108)
 A new study reports that vitamin E can help cure memory loss.
 Or was it vitamin D?

From: PGM2R4U on 5/23/99 (S121)
 Many men smoke------but Fu  men chu

From: KMACINTY on 1/17/2003 (S311)
 Once you've seen one shopping center you've seen a mall.

From: LABLaughsClean on 2/6/2009 (S631b)
 Did I like nut another to it send retard a like
 this reading time sweet your took you since.
 ( Now read it backwards )

From: Today's Joke of the Day on 1/6/2012 (S782)
 Two silk worms were in a race. What was the result? A tie!

From: Today's Joke of the Day on 3/3/2012 (S790)
 Q: Why was the little strawberry crying?
 A: Because his parents were in a jam.

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............................From Smiley_Central
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