Subj:     Darwin Awards2 
                 (Includes 51 jokes and articles, 26976,1,cf,wXT2a,1)

Teddy with Suzi
Billy'S MovinG PictureS
Includes the following:  Selfie In A Tornado (DU)
.........................2000 Darwin Nominees: (S209)
.........................The 1999 Darwin Award Winner Is (S164)
.........................Darwin Award Candidates? (S137)
.........................1998 Darwin Winner-Pumping (S101)
.........................1998 Darwin Nominees: (S101)
.........................1997 Darwin Nominees: (S79)
.........................Another Darwin Winner (elephant) (S223)

Subj:     Selfie In A Tornado (DU,d)
          From: Trending Hot on Facebook on 9/24/2015
 Source: http://www.youtube.com/embed/P7aRR86VfTY
.......Click 'HERE' to see this very stupid selfie.
Subj:     2000 Darwin Nominees: (S209)
          From: ICohen on 1/29/2001

 The Darwin Awards, for those not familiar, are for those
 individuals who contribute to the survival of the fittest
 by eliminating themselves from the gene pool before they
 have a chance to breed.

 1. A young Canadian man from Newfoundland, searching for a
 way of getting drunk cheaply, because he had no money with
 which to buy alcohol, mixed gasoline with milk.  Not sur-
 prisingly, this concoction made him ill, and he vomited
 into the fireplace in his house.  This resulting explosion
 and fire burned his house down, killing both him and his

 2. A 34-year-old white male found dead in the basement of
 his home died of suffocation, according to police.  He was
 approximately 6'2" tall and weighed 225 pounds.  He was
 wearing a pleated skirt, white bra, black and white saddle
 shoes, and a woman's wig.  It appeared that he was trying
 to create a schoolgirl's uniform look.  He was also wearing
 military gas mask that had the filter canister removed and
 a rubber hose attached in its place.  The other end of the
 hose was connected to one end of a hollow wooden tube
 approx. 12" long and 3" in diameter.  The tube's other end
 was inserted into his rear end for reasons unknown, and
 was the cause of his suffocation.

 Police found the task of explaining the circumstances of
 his death to his family very awkward.

 (Strange Plane Crash)
 3. Three Brazilian men were flying in a light aircraft at
 low altitude when another plane approached.  It appears
 that they decided to moon the occupants of the other plane,
 but lost control of their own aircraft and crashed.  They
 were all found dead in the wreckage with their pants
 around their ankles.

 (Penis Electrocution)
 4. A police officer in Ohio responded to a 911 call.  She
 had no details before arriving, except that someone had
 reported that his father was not breathing.  Upon arrival,
 the officer found the man facedown on the couch, naked.
 When she rolled him over to check for a pulse and to start
 CPR, she noticed burn marks around his genitals.

 After the ambulance arrived and removed the man - who was
 declared dead on arrival at the hospital - the police made
 a closer inspection of the couch, and noticed that the man
 had made a hole between the cushions.  Upon flipping the
 couch over, they discovered what caused his death.  Appar-
 ently the man had a habit of putting his penis between the
 cushions, down into the hole and between two electrical
 sanders (with the sandpaper removed, for obvious reasons).
 According to the story, after his orgasm the discharge
 shorted out one of the sanders, electrocuting him.

 5. A 27-year-old French woman lost control of her car on a
 highway near Marseilles and crashed into a tree, seriously
 injuring her passenger and killing herself.  As a common-
 place road accident, this would not have qualified for a
 Darwin nomination, were it not for the fact that the
 driver's attention had been distracted by her Tamagotchi
 key ring, which had started urgently beeping for food
 as she drove along.  In an attempt to press the correct
 buttons to save the Tamagotchi's life, the woman lost her

 6. A 22-year-old Reston, VA man was found dead after he
 tried to use octopus straps to bungee jump off a 70-foot
 railroad trestle.  Fairfax County police said Eric Barcia,
 a fast-food worker, taped a bunch of these straps together,
 wrapped an end around one foot, anchored the other end to
 the trestle at Lake Accotink Park, jumped and hit the
 pavement.  Warren Carmichael, a police spokesman, said
 investigators think Barcia was alone because his car was
 found nearby.  "The length of the cord that he had assem-
 bled was greater than the distance between the trestle and
 the ground", Carmichael said.  Police say the apparent
 cause of death was "Major trauma".

 (Rattlesnake Catch)
 7. A man in Alabama died from rattlesnake bites.  It seems
 that he and a friend were playing a game of catch, using
 the rattlesnake as a ball.  The friend - no doubt, a
 future Darwin Awards candidate - was hospitalized.

 (Warehouse Burns)
 8. Employees in a medium-sized warehouse in west Texas
 noticed the smell of a gas leak.  Sensibly, management
 evacuated the building, extinguishing all potential
 sources of ignition lights, power, etc.  After the building
 had been evacuated, two technicians from the gas company
 were dispatched.  Upon entering the building, they found
 they had difficulty navigating in the dark.  To their
 frustration, none of the lights worked (you can see what's
 coming, can't you?).  Witnesses later described the sight
 of one of the technicians reaching into his pocket and
 retrieving an object that resembled a cigarette lighter.
 Upon operation of the lighter-like object, the gas in
 the warehouse exploded, sending pieces of it up to three
 miles away.

 Nothing was found of the technicians, but the lighter was
 virtually untouched by the explosion.  The technician
 suspected of causing the blast had never been thought of
 as 'bright' by his peers.

Subj:     The 1999 Darwin Award Winner Is . . . (S164)
          From: RFSlick on 3/18/00

 (Telephone Relay Night Watchman Dies)
 Telephone relay company night watchman Edward Baker, 31, was
 killed early Christmas morning by excessive microwave radiation
 exposure.  He was apparently attempting to keep warm next to a
 telecommunications feed-horn.

 Baker had been suspended on a safety violation once last year,
 accordingto Northern Manitoba Signal Relay spokesperson Tanya
 Cooke.  She noted that Bakers earlier infraction was for defeat-
 ing a safety shut-off switch and entering a restricted main-
 tenance catwalk in order to stand in front of the microwave dish.
 He had told coworker's that it was the only way he could stay
 warm during his twelve-hour shift at the station, where winter
 temperatures often dip to forty below zero.

 Microwaves can heat water molecules within human tissue in the
 sameway that they heat food in microwave ovens.  For his Christmas
 shift, Baker reportedly brought a twelve pack of beer and a plastic
 lawn chair, which he positioned directly in line with the strongest
 microwave beam.  Baker had not been told about a tenfold boost in
 microwave power planned that night to handle the anticipated
 increase in holiday long-distance callingtraffic.

 Bakers body was discovered by the daytime watchman, John Burns, who
 was greeted by an odor he mistook for a Christmas roast he thought
 Baker must have prepared as a surprise.  Burns also reported to
 NMSR company officialsthat Bakers unfinished beers had exploded.

Subj:     Darwin Award Candidates? (S137)
          From: JCary on 09/11/1999

 1.  A fierce gust of wind blew 45-year-old Vittorio Luise's car
     into a river near Naples, Italy in 1983.  He managed to
     break out a window, climb out and swim to shore-- where a
     tree blew over and killed him.

 2.  Mike Stewart, 31, of Dallas was filming a public service
     movie in 1983 on "The Dangers of Low-level Bridges" when
     the truck he was standing on passed under a low-level bridge
     -- killing him.

 3.  Walter Hallas, a 26-year-old store clerk in Leeds, England
     was so afraid of dentists that in 1979 he asked a fellow
     worker to try to cure his toothache by punching him in the
     jaw.  The punch caused Hallas to fall down, hitting his head,
     and he died of a fractured skull.

     (Factory Fire)
 4.  George Schwartz, owner of a factory in Providence, R.I.
     narrowly escaped death when a 1983 blast flattened his
     factory except for one wall.  After treatment for minor
     injuries, he  returned to the scene to search for his files.
     The remaining wall then collapsed on him, killing him instantly.

 5.  Depressed since he couldn't find a job, 42-year-old Romolo
     Ribolla sat in his kitchen near Pisa, Italy with a gun in
     his hand, threatening to kill himself in 1981.  His wife
     pleaded for him not to do it and after about an hour, he burst
     into tears and threw the gun to the floor.  It went off and
     killed his wife.

     (Also see 'Mrs. Carson's Funeral' in ACCIDENTS1)
 6.  In 1983, a Mrs. Carson of Lake Cachexia, N.Y. was laid out in
     her coffin, presumed dead of heart disease.  As mourners
     watched, she suddenly sat up.  Her daughter dropped dead of

 7.  A man hit by a car in New York City in 1977 got up uninjured,
     but laid back down in front of the car when a bystander told
     him to pretend he was hurt so he could collect insurance money.
     The car then rolled forward and crushed him to death.

 8.  Surprised while burgling a house in Antwerp, Belgium, a thief
     fled out the back door, clambered over a nine-foot wall,
     dropped down, and found himself in the city prison.

     (Also see 'Irishman Hit By Four Cars' in ACCIDENTS1
 9.  In 1976, a 22-year-old Irishman, Bob Finnegan was crossing the
     busy Falls Road in Belfast, when he was struck by a taxi and
     flung over its roof.  The taxi drove away and, as Finnegan lay
     stunned in the road, another car ran into him, rolling him into
     the gutter.  It too drove on.  As a knot of gawkers gathered to
     examine the magnetic Irishman, a delivery van plowed through
     the crowd, leaving in its wake 3 injured bystanders, and an
     even more battered Bob Finnegan.  When a fourth vehicle came
     along, the crowd wisely scattered and only one person was hit--
     Bob Finnegan.  In the space of two minutes, Finnegan suffered
     a fractured skull, broken pelvis, broken leg, and other
     assorted injuries.  Hospital officials said he would recover.

     (Hungarian Railroad Accident)
 10. While motorcycling through the Hungarian countryside, Cristo
     Falatti came up to a railway border crossing just as the
     crossing gates were coming down.  While he sat idling, he was
     joined by a farmer with a goat, which the farmer tethered to
     the crossing gate.  A few minutes later a horse and cart drew
     up behind Falatti, followed in short order by a man in a
     sports car.   When the train roared through the crossing, the
     horse startled and bit Falatti on the arm.  Not a man to be
     trifled with, Falatti responded by punching the horse in the
     head.  In consequence, the horse's owner jumped down from the
     cart and began scuffling with the cyclist.  The horse, which
     was not up to this kind of excitement, backed away briskly,
     smashing the cart into the sports car.  At this, the sports
     car driver came forward to try to pacify the three flailing
     men.  As he did so, the crossing gate rose and the goat was
     strangled.  At last report, the insurance companies were
     trying to sort out the claims.

     (Also see 'German Head-On Collision' in Accidents1)
 11. Two German motorists had an all-too-literal head-on collision
     in heavy fog near the small town of Guetersloh.  Each was
     guiding his car at a snail's pace from opposite directions but
     both in the middle of the road.  At the moment of impact, their
     heads were both out the windows where they smacked together.
     Both men were hospitalized with severe head injuries.  The cars
     weren't scratched.

 12. In a case of  "one thing leading to another", seven men, aged
     18 to 27 years, received jail sentences of 3-4 years each in
     Kingston-on-Thames, England in 1979, after a fight started
     when one of the men threw a French fry at another while they
     stood waiting for a train.

 13. Hitting on the novel idea he could end his wife's incessant
     nagging by giving her a good scare, Hungarian Jake Fen built
     an elaborate harness to make it look as if he had hanged him-
     self.  When his wife came home and saw him, she fainted.
     Hearing a disturbance, a neighbor came over and, finding what
     she thought were two corpses, seized the opportunity to loot
     the place.  As she was leaving the room, her arms laden, the
     outraged and suspended Mr. Fen kicked her in the backside.
     This so surprised the lady that she dropped dead of a heart
     attack. Mr Fen was acquitted of manslaughter, and he and his
     wife were reconciled.

     (Also see 'Its A Bad Day When......' in Accidents1)
 14. A few years ago in California there was a raging brush fire.
     Once the fire was extinguished the firefighters began the
     process of clean-up.  In the middle of where the fire had
     been burning, they found a man wearing a scuba tank and wet
     suit.  At first the firefighters were baffled as to why a
     man would be in the middle of the country side wearing full
     scuba gear.  Upon further examination, it was determined
     that the man died from the impact with the ground and not
     the fire.  As best as anyone could determine, this man was
     scuba diving off the coast of California and was accidentally
     picked up by the firefighting aircraft when it was refilling
     its water tanks offshore.

Subj:     1998 Darwin Award Winner- Pumping (S101)
          From: scott_pryor on 99-01-03

 Japan Times-April 16, 1997
 "The government must crack down on this disgusting craze of
 'Pumping'", a spokesman for the Nakhon Ratchasima hospital
 told reporters.  "If this perversion catches on, it will
 destroy the cream of Thailand's manhood."  He was speaking
 after the remains of 13 year-old Charnchai Puanmuangpak
 had been rushed into the hospital's emergency room.

 "Most 'Pumpers' use a standard bicycle pump," he explained,
 "inserting the nozzle far up their rectum, giving themselves
 a rush of air, creating a momentary high.  This act is a sin
 against God."

 It appears that the young Charnchai took it further still.
 He started using a two-cylinder foot pump, but even that
 wasn't exciting enough for him, so he boasted to friends
 that he was going to try the compressed air hose at a nearby
 gasoline station.  They dared him to do it, so, under
 cover of darkness, he sneaked in.

 Not realizing how powerful the machine was, he inserted the
 tube deep into his rectum, and placed a coin in the slot.
 As a result, he died virtually instantly, leaving passers-by
 still in shock.  One woman thought she was watching a
 twilight fireworks display, and started clapping.

 "We still haven't located all of him", say the police
 authorities.  "When that quantity of air interacted with
 the gas in his system, he nearly exploded.  It was like
 an atom bomb went off or something."

 "Pumping is the devil's pastime, and we must all say no to
 Satan," Ratchasima concluded.  "Inflate your tires by all
 means, but then hide your bicycle pump where it cannot tempt

 Let's hear it for Charnchai Puanmuangpak, the undisputed
 1998 Darwin Award recipient!

Subj:     Other 1998 Darwin Nominees: (S101)
          From: RFSlick on 98-09-27

 They have finally been released! For those not familiar
 with the Darwin Award - It's an annual honor given to the
 person whose done the universal human gene pool the biggest
 service by getting killed in the most extraordinarily stupid
 way.  As always, competitionthis year has been keen again.
 Some candidates appear to have trained their whole lives for
 this event


 1. In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and
 drowned in two feet of water after squeezing his head first
 through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys

 (Running off a cliff)
 2. In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who
 "totally zoned out when he ran," according to his wife,
 accidentally jogged off a 200-foot-high cliff on his daily run.

 3. Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole
 he had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it.
 Beachgoers said Daniel Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or
 protection from the wind, and had been sitting in a beach
 chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed,
 burying him beneath 5 feet of sand.  People on the beach, on
 the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to
 claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but
 could not reach him.  It took rescue workers using heavy
 equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people
 looked on.  Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

 4. In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc,
 CA, as he fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle
 shop he was burgling.  Death was caused when the long
 flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep his hands
 free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

 5. According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick
 Berrena, 20, was stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet
 Jeffrey Hoffman, 23, who was trying to prove that a knife
 could not penetrate the flakvest Berrena was wearing.

 6. Sylvester Briddell, Jr , 26, was killed in February in
 Selbyville, Del, as he won a bet with friends who said he
 would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his
 mouth and pull the trigger.

 7. In February, according to police in Windsor, Ont, Daniel
 Kolta,27, and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision,
 thus earning a tie in the game of chicken they were playing
 with their snowmobiles.

 8. In September, a 7-year-old boy fell off a 100-foot-high
 bluff near Ozark, Ark, after he lost his grip swinging on a
 cross that marked the spot where another person had fallen
 to his death in 1990.

 (Flashing Your Breasts)
 9. AUGUSTA, ME - Four people were injured in a string of
 bizarre accidents.  Sherry Moeller was admitted with a head
 wound caused by flying masonry, Tim Vegas was diagnosed with
 a mild case of whiplash and contusions on his chest, arms
 and face, Bryan Corcoran suffered torn gum tissue, and
 Pamela Klesick's first two fingers of her right hand had
 been bitten off.  Moeller had just dropped her husband off
 for his first day of work and, in addition to a good-bye
 kiss, she flashed her breasts at him. "I'm still not sure
 why I did it," she said later.  "I was really close to the
 car, so I didn't think anyone would see.  Besides, it could
 not have been for more than two seconds."

 However, cab driver Vegas did see, and lost control of his
 cab, running over the curb and into the corner of the
 Johnson Medical Building.  Inside, Klesick, a dental
 technician, was cleaning Corcoran's teeth.  The crash of
 the cab against the building made her jump, tearing
 Corcoran's gums with a cleaning pick.  In shock, he bit
 down, severing two fingers from Klesick's hand.  Moeller's
 wound was caused by a falling piece of the medical building.

 10. TAOS, NM - A woman went to a poison control center after
 eating three birth-control vaginal inserts.  Her English was
 so bad she had to draw a picture describing how she believed
 she had poisoned herself.  A translator arrived shortly
 thereafter and confirmed doctors' suspicions.  Marie
 Valishnokov thought the inserts were some kind of candy or
 gum, being unable to read the foil wrappers.  After the
 third one, she realized something was wrong when her throat
 and mouth began to fill with a sour-tasting foam.  She ran
 for the Poison Control Center, only a few blocks away where
 doctors were able to flush the foam from her mouth, throat,
 and stomach with no ill effects.

 (Bungee Jumping)
 11. TACOMA, WA - Kerry Bingham, had been drinking with
 several friends when one of them said they knew a person
 who had bungee-jumped from the Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the
 middle of traffic.  The conversation grew more heated and a
 least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge at 4:30
 a.m.  Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they
 discovered that no one had brought bungee rope.  Bingham,
 who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that
 a coil of cable had been left near the railing.  Bingham's
 leg and the other end was tied to the bridge.  His fall
 lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot
 off at the ankle.  He miraculously survived his fall into
 the icy river water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen.
 "All I can say," explained Bingham, "is that God was watching
 out for me on that night.  There's just no other explanation
 for it."  Bingham's foot was never located.

 12. On February 3, 1990, a Renton, Washington man tried to
 commit a robbery.  This was probably his first attempt, as
 suggested by the fact that he had no previous record of
 violent crime, and by his terminally stupid choices as
 listed below:
    1. The target was H?J Leather ? Firearms, a gun shop;
    2. The shop was full of customers, in a state where a
       substantial portion of the adult population is
       licensed to carry concealed handguns in public places;
    3. To enter the shop, he had to step around a marked
       Police patrol car parked at the front door;
    4. An officer in uniform was standing next to the
       counter, having coffee before reporting to duty.
 Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a
 holdup and fired a few wild shots.  The officer and a
 clerk promptly returned fire, removing him from the gene
 pool.  Several other customers also drew their guns, but
 didn't fire.  No one else was hurt.

 (Also see 'Man Determined To Commit Suicide' in ACCIDENDS2)
 13. In France, Jacques LeFevrier left nothing to chance
 when he decided to commit suicide. He stood at the top of
 a tall cliff and tied a noose around his neck.  He tied
 the other end of the rope to a large rock.  He drank some
 poison and set fire to his clothes.  He even tried to shoot
 himself at the last moment.  He jumped and fired the pistol.
 The bullet missed him completely and cut through the rope
 above him.  Free of the threat of hanging, he plunged into
 the sea.  The sudden dunking extinguished the flames and
 made him vomit the poison.  He was dragged out of the water
 by a kind fisherman, and was taken to hospital, where he
 died - of hypothermia.

 1) In Guthrie, Okla , in October, Jason Heck tried to kill
 a millipede with a shot from his 22-caliber rifle, but the
 bullet ricocheted off a rock near the hole and hit pal
 Antonio Martinez in the head, fracturing his skull.
 2) In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting
 to clean out cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a
 broom in favor of a propane torch and caused a fire that
 burned the first and second floors of his house.
 3) Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township,
 NJ, in September, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, by
 a quarter-stick of dynamite that blew up in their car.
 While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the
 dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what
 would happen, but they apparently failed to notice that the
 window was closed.
 4) Taking "Amateur Night" Too Far: In Betulia, Colombia, an
 annual festival in November includes five days of amateur
 bullfighting.  This year, no bull was killed, but dozens
 of matadors were injured, including one gored in the head
 and one Bobbittized. Said one participant, "It's just one
 bull against [a town of] a thousand Morons".

Subj:     1997 Darwin Nominees: (S79)
          From: RFSlick on 98-08-03

 THE DARWIN AWARDS are given every year to bestow upon (the
 remains) of those individuals, who through single-minded
 self-sacrifice, have done the most to remove undesirable
 elements from the human gene pool.

 (# 1) Los Angeles, CA. Ani Saduki, 33, and his brother
 decided to remove a bees nest from a shed on their property
 with the aid of a pineapple. A pineapple is an illegal
 firecracker which is the explosive equivalent of one-half
 stick of dynamite. They ignited the fuse and retreated to
 watch from inside their home, behind a window  some 10 feet
 away from the hive/shed.

 The concussion of the explosion shattered the window
 inwards, seriously lacerating Ani. Deciding Mr. Saduki
 need stitches, the brothers headed out to go to a nearby
 hospital. While walking towards their car, Ani was stung
 three times by the surviving bees.

 Unbeknownst to either brother, Ani was allergic to bee
 venom, and died of Suffocation enroute to the hospital.

 (# 2) Derrick L. Richards, 28, was charged in April in
 Minneapolis with third-degree murder in the death of his
 beloved cousin, Kenneth E. Richards. According to police,
 Derrick suggested a game of Russian roulette and put a
 semiautomatic pistol (instead of the more traditional
 revolver) to Ken's head and fired.

 (Eating A Pastie)
 (# 3) Phillipsburg, NJ. An unidentified 29 year old male
 choked to death on a sequined pastie he had orally removed
 from an exotic dancer at a local establishment. "I didn't
 think he was going to eat it," the dancer identified only
 as "Ginger" said, adding "He was really drunk."

 (# 4) MOSCOW, Russia-A drunk security man asked a colleague
 at the Moscow bank they were guarding to stab his
 bulletproof vest to see if  it would protected him against a
 knife attack. It didn't, and the 25-year-old guard died of a
 heart wound. (It's good to see the Russians getting into the
 spirit of the Darwin Awards.)

 Gulf Breeze, Florida, three unidentified teenage males were
 using a home video camera to film an action/adventure
 "movie" one of the boys had written. In a scene that called
 for each character to be  ignited  by fire, the "special
 effects coordinator," age 15, prepared the "stunt" youth by
 dousing lighter fluid onto his clothes.

 The intentional fire, which proved unexpectedly difficult to
 extinguish, left the young man with third degree burns on
 his left  arm, torso, and both legs. It was all captured on
 In Bradford, PA, J. Cruwe, 28, caught a small snake in a
 container which he handed to his wife. She opened the
 container and, startled  to see the snake, dropped it. The
 excited and poisonous snake immediately bit Mr. Cruwe on the
 shin. Mr Cruwe survived the wound and  recovered  after a
 short visit to the local emergency room.
 (Shooting Raccoons)
 In rural Carbon County, PA, a group of men were drinking beer
 and discharging firearms from the rear deck of a home owned
 by Irving Michaels, age 27. The men were firing at a raccoon
 that was  wandering by, but the beer apparently impaired
 their aim and, despite of the estimated 35 shots the group
 fired, the animal escaped into a 3 foot diameter drainage
 pipe some 100 feet away from Mr.Michaels' deck. Determined
 to terminate the animal, Mr. Michaels retrieved a can of
 gasoline and poured some down the pipe, intending to smoke
 the animal out. After several unsuccessful attempts to ignite
 the fuel, Michaels emptied the entire 5 gallon fuel can down
 the pipe and tried to ignite it again, to no avail. Not one
 to admit defeat by wildlife, the determined Mr. Michaels
 proceeded to slide feet-first approximately 15 feet down the
 sloping pipe to toss the match.

 The subsequent rapidly expanding fireball propelled Mr.
 Michaels back the way he had come, though at a much higher
 rate of speed. He exited the angled pipe "like a Polaris
 missile leaves a submarine," according  to witness Joseph
 McFadden, 31. Mr. Michaels was launched directly over his
 own home, right over the heads of his astonished friends,
 onto his front lawn. In all, he traveled over 200 feet
 through the air. "There was a Doppler Effect to his scream
 as he flew over us," McFadden reported, "followed by a loud
 thud." Amazingly, he suffered only minor injuries. "It was
 actually pretty cool," Michaels said, "Like when they shoot
 someone out of a cannon at the circus. I'd do it again if I
 was sure I  wouldn't get hurt."
 (Also see 'Falling Cow' in ACCIDENTS2)
 Earlier this year, the dazed crew of a Japanese trawler were
 plucked  out of the Sea of Japan clinging to the wreckage of
 their sunken ship. Their rescue, however, was followed by
 immediate imprisonment once  authorities questioned the
 sailors on their ship's loss.

 To a man they claimed that a cow, falling out of a clear
 blue sky, had struck the trawler amidships, shattering its
 hull and sinking the  vessel within minutes. They remained
 in prison for several weeks, until the Russian Air Force
 reluctantly informed Japanese authorities that  the crew of
 one of its cargo planes had apparently stolen a cow
 wandering at the edge of a Siberian airfield, forced the cow
 into the plane's hold and hastily taken off for home.
 Unprepared for live cargo, the Russian crew was ill-equipped
 to manage a now rampaging cow within its hold. To save the
 aircraft and themselves, they shoved the animal out of the
 cargo hold as they crossed the Sea of Japan at an altitude
 of 30,000 feet.

Subj:     Another Darwin Award Winner (elephant) (S223)
          From: gheckman on 5/3/2001

 (Also see 'Elephant Shit Kills Trainer' in ELEPHANT)

 (Constipated Elephant)
 PADERBORN, GERMANY - Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt
 fed his constipated elephant 'Stefan' 22 doses of animal
 laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes
 before the plugged-up elephant finally let fly and suffocated
 the keeper under 200 pounds of poop!

 Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to
 give the ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved
 beast unloaded on him like a dump truck full of mud. "The
 sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked
 Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a
 rock and  lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate
 his bowels on top of him," said flabbergasted Paderborn police
 detective Erik Dern. "With no one there to help him, he lay
 under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman came
 along, and during that time he suffocated. "It seems to be just
 one of those freak accidents that happen."

                           -(o o)-
.............................From Smiley_Central