Subj: 'How To' Jokes And Facts
(Includes 9 jokes and articles, 10 1030n,8,cf,wYT2a,4)
Click "Here" for HowTo-Supp
Mike Shaikun's Animation
Also see ARTIST-SUPP - 'How
To Draw Famous People'
BLONDE file - 'The Blonde And The Contractor'
COWBOY file - 'Do-It-Yourself Country And Western Song'
LIES file - 'How To Win Arguments'
PHONE-SUPP2 - 'Your New Dial Phone' - Video
Subj: How Locks Work (S951)
From: tom on 4/1/2015
Bud Light Pick-up Line (S794d)
From: tom on 4/1/2012
to see this very funny Bud Light commercial
with Cedric the Entertainer.
Subj: How To Locate Studs (DU)
The most secure way to attach
just about anything to a wall
is to fasten it to the studs. To find framing members buried
behind a drywall or plaster surface, try one or a combination
of these strategies. Start your search in the center of a
wall, because studs there are uniformly spaced. Once you've
located one, measure 16 inches in each direction and see if
you can verify more studs.
Look For Visual Clues.
Baseboards (but not shoe moldings)
are typically nailed into studs, and electrical receptacles
are usually attached to one side of a stud or the other,
which you can check by removing the cover.
Bore A Small Hole And Probe.
Feed a stiff wire, such as a
straightened coat hanger, into the cavity and probe to one
side. When it stops at a stud, bend the wire at the hole,
withdraw it, and use it as a gauge to mark the stud's
location on the face of the wall.
Use An Electronic Stud Finder.
Move one of these inexpensive
devices along a wall and it will sense the difference in
density between where the wall is backed by a stud and where
there is empty space. This is the easiest and most accurate
way to locate studs.
(excerpted from "The Stanley
Complete Step-By-Step Book Of
Home Repair And Improvement", page 147)
Subj: How To Make A Chain (S982)
From: Trending Hot on Facebook on 11/3/2015
How To Open A Locked Suitcase (S601b,d)
From: LABLaughsclean on 7/9/2008
Photo from YouTube
Lost a suitcase Key? How do you
get into it? This video
will show you how to get it safely open. You can view this
short video by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Homeowners Guide To Basic Tools (S253b)
From: Cypriot on 11/30/2001
In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain on
one's enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict pain
The drink ordered at the local bar after you call in a
professional repairman to undo the $500 in damage you
did while trying to change out a light socket with your
The bar drink that you order when the damage estimate
is over $1,000. Contains twice the vodka.
A device used to extend your reach the necessary few
inches when you drop a one-of-a-kind screw down behind
the new wall it took you two weeks to install.
Contain a handy assortment of sharp and dangerous tools.
Best left in it's leather sheath and worn on a home-
owner's belt to increase testosterone levels.
Electronic Stud Finder:
An annoying device that never goes off when you point
it at yourself.
A work light that lights up your backyard with the
incandescence of a football stadium, causing you to
cast a heavy shadow over the area you're working on
so that you need to use a flashlight anyway.
A device that lessens your chance of electrocution
90% over a standard plug-in tool.
The handyman's 911.
A mechanical device similar in principal to harnessing
the power of your mother-in-law's nagging complaints
and using the resulting airflow to blast old paint off
the side of the house.
Allows you to cut your way out of the shed that you
accidentally built completely around yourself.
A pair of helping hands that doesn't critique the job
you're doing or offer advice.
How To Throw Cement (in Contractor)
From: Wimp.com on 6/21/2010 (S701b,d)
This video shows he "South African"
art of cement throwing.
Click 'HERE' to see this one minute instructive video.
Subj: How To Build An Atomic Bomb (DU)
From: humorlist-digest V2 #66 on 98-03-16
and From: LAFF NOW
The following paper is taken
from The Journal of Irreproducible
Results, Volume 25/Number 4/1979. P.O. Box 234 Chicago Heights,
Worldwide controversy has been
generated recently from several
court decisions in the United States which have restricted
popular magazines from printing articles which describe how
to make an atomic bomb. The reason usually given by the
courts is that national security would be compromised if such
information were generally available. But, since it is
commonly known that all of the information is publicly
available in most major metropolitan libraries, obviously the
court's officially stated position is covering up a more
important factor; namely, that such atomic devices would
prove too difficult for the average citizen to construct.
The United States courts cannot afford to insult the vast
majorities by insinuating that they do not have the
intelligence of a cabbage, and thus the "official" press
releases claim national security as a blanket restriction.
The rumors that have unfortunately
occurred as a result of
widespread misinformation can (and must) be cleared up now,
for the construction project this month is the construction
of a thermonuclear device, which will hopefully clear up any
misconceptions you might have about such a project. We will
see how easy it is to make a device of your very own in ten
easy steps, to have and hold as you see fit, without annoying
interference from the government or the courts.
The project will cost between
$5,000 and $30,000, depending
on how fancy you want the final product to be.
2. CONSTRUCTION METHOD
1. First, obtain about 50 pounds
(110 kg) of weapons grade
Plutonium at your local supplier (see NOTE 1). A nuclear
power plant is not recommended, as large quantities of
missing Plutonium tends to make plant engineers unhappy.
We suggest that you contact your local terrorist organization,
or perhaps the Junior Achievement in your neighborhood.
2. Please remember that Plutonium,
especially pure, refined
Plutonium, is somewhat dangerous. Wash your hands with soap
and warm water after handling the material, and don't allow
your children or pets to play in it or eat it. Any left over
Plutonium dust is excellent as an insect repellant. You may
wish to keep the substance in a lead box if you can find one
in your local junk yard, but an old coffee can will do nicely.
3. Fashion together a metal enclosure
to house the device.
Most common varieties of sheet metal can be bent to disguise
this enclosure as, for example, a briefcase, a lunch pail, or
a Buick. Do not use tinfoil.
4. Arrange the Plutonium into
two hemispherical shapes,
separated by about 4 cm. Use rubber cement to hold the
Plutonium dust together.
5. Now get about 100 pounds (220
kg) of trinitrotoluene (TNT).
Gelignite is much better, but messier to work with. Your
helpful hardware man will be happy to provide you with this
6. Pack the TNT around the hemisphere
in step 4. If you cannot find Gelignite, feel free to use TNT
packed in with Playdo or any modeling clay. Colored clay is
acceptable, but there is no need to get fancy at this point.
7. Enclose the structure from
step 6 into the enclosure made
in step 3. Use a strong glue such as "Crazy Glue" to bind
the hemisphere arrangement against the enclosure to prevent
accidental detonation which might result from vibration or
8. To detonate the device, obtain
a radio controlled (RC)
servo mechanism, as found in RC model airplanes and cars.
With a modicum of effort, a remote plunger can be made that
will strike a detonator cap to effect a small explosion.
These detonator caps can be found in the electrical supply
section of your local supermarket. We recommend the "Blast-
O-Mactic" brand because they are no deposit-no return.
9. Now hide the completed device
from the neighbors and
children. The garage is not recommended because of high
humidity and the extreme range of temperatures experienced
there. Nuclear devices have been known to spontaneously
detonate in these unstable conditions. The hall closet or
under the kitchen sink will be perfectly suitable.
10. Now you are the proud owner
of a working thermonuclear
device! It is a great ice-breaker at parties, and in a
pinch, can be used for national defense.
3. THEORY OF OPERATION
The device basically works when
the detonated TNT compresses
the Plutonium into a critical mass. The critical mass then
produces a nuclear chain reaction similar to the domino
chain reaction (discussed in this column, "Dominos on the
March", March, 1968). The chain reaction then promptly
produces a big thermonuclear reaction. And there you have
it, a 10 megaton explosion!
4. NEXT MONTH'S COLUMN
In next month's column, we will
learn how to clone your
neighbor's wife in six easy steps. This project promises
to be an exciting weekend full of fun and profit. Common
kitchen utensils will be all you need. See you next month!
1. Plutonium (PU), atomic number
94, is a radioactive
metallic element formed by the decay of Neptunium and is
similar in chemical structure to Uranium, Saturium,
Jupiternium, and Marisum.
6. PREVIOUS MONTH'S COLUMNS
1. Let's Make Test Tube Babies!
2. Let's Make a Solar System! June, 1979
3. Let's Make an Economic Recession! July, 1979
4. Let's Make an Anti-Gravity Machine! August, 1979
5. Let's Make Contact with an Alien Race! September, 1979
How To Build Fun Stairs (S759d, S796)
From: virv on 8/2/2011
These stairs may be well worn,
but they are obviously also
well loved. The room is absolutely stunning. There was so
much light and space. Click 'HERE' to see these great stairs.
Also shown are nine other beautiful staircases.
How To Make A Balloon Puppy (S589b,d)
From: LABLaughsClean on 4/28/2009
Source: (Removed from funnyvideo247.com)
Do you know how to make a balloon
puppy? See how