Subj:     'How To' Jokes And Facts
..........(Includes 10 jokes, 22 1119n,9,cf,wYT2a6a,5)
..........L5 Update

          Click "Here" for HowTo-Supp 

Calvin cartoon
Mike Shaikun's Animation
Includes the following:  How To Pick A Lock With Hairpins - Video (S895 in Supp)
.........................TED - Massimo Banzi Explains Arduino - Video (S808 - Supp)
.........................How To Pick-Up Women (S400b, S701b in Supp)
.........................How Locks Work - GIF (S951)
.........................Bud Light Pick-Up Line - Video (S794)
.........................How To Locate Studs (DU)
.........................How To Make A Chain (S982)
.........................How To Open A Locked Suitcase - Video (S601b)
.........................Homeowners Guide To Basic Tools (S253b)
.........................How To Throw Cement - Video (S701b)
.........................How To Build Fun Stairs - Web Page (S759, S796)
.........................How To Build An Atomic Bomb (DU)
.........................How To Make A Balloon Puppy - Video (S589b)
.........................5 Knots You Should Know - Video (S1080)

Also see ARTIST-SUPP  - 'How To Draw Famous People'
         BLONDE file  - 'The Blonde And The Contractor'
         COWBOY file  - 'Do-It-Yourself Country And Western Song'
         LIES file    - 'How To Win Arguments'
         PHONE-SUPP2  - 'Your New Dial Phone' - Video

Subj:     How Locks Work (S951)
          From: tom in 2015
 Source: www.4.bp.blogspot.com/-NENp0IxmppE/VE5VYykcJVI/AAAAAAACJxQ/
Subj:     Bud Light Pick-up Line
          From: tom
..........in 2012 (S794d-On Site)
 Source: www.youtube.com/embed/Gz6aH4QB9jM

 Click 'HERE' to see this very funny Bud Light commercial
 with Cedric the Entertainer.

Subj:     How To Locate Studs (DU)

 The most secure way to attach just about anything to a wall
 is to fasten it to the studs.  To find framing members buried
 behind a drywall or plaster surface, try one or a combination
 of these strategies.  Start your search in the center of a
 wall, because studs there are uniformly spaced.  Once you've
 located one, measure 16 inches in each direction and see if
 you can verify more studs.

 Look For Visual Clues.  Baseboards (but not shoe moldings)
 are typically nailed into studs, and electrical receptacles
 are usually attached to one side of a stud or the other,
 which you can check by removing the cover.

 Bore A Small Hole And Probe.  Feed a stiff wire, such as a
 straightened coat hanger, into the cavity and probe to one
 side.  When it stops at a stud, bend the wire at the hole,
 withdraw it, and use it as a gauge to mark the stud's
 location on the face of the wall.

 Use An Electronic Stud Finder.  Move one of these inexpensive
 devices along a wall and it will sense the difference in
 density between where the wall is backed by a stud and where
 there is empty space.  This is the easiest and most accurate
 way to locate studs.

 (excerpted from "The Stanley Complete Step-By-Step Book Of
 Home Repair And Improvement", page 147)

Subj:     How To Make A Chain (S982)
          From: Trending Hot in 2015
 Source: www.media.giphy.com/media/C1nEwzSrlVW80/giphy.gif
Subj:     How To Open A Locked Suitcase
          From: LABLaughsclean
..........in 2008 (S601b,d-On Site)
 Source: www.youtube.com/embed/E2OsXYTx7eg

 Lost a suitcase Key? How do you get into it?  This video
 will show you how to get it safely open.  You can view this
 short video by clicking 'HERE'.

Subj:     Homeowners Guide To Basic Tools (S253b)
          From: Cypriot in 2001

    In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain on
    one's enemies.  Modern hammers are used to inflict pain
    on oneself.

    The drink ordered at the local bar after you call in a
    professional repairman to undo the $500 in damage you
    did while trying to change out a light socket with your
    handy screwdriver.

Phillips Screwdriver:
    The bar drink that you order when the damage estimate
    is over $1,000.  Contains twice the vodka.

    A device used to extend your reach the necessary few
    inches when you drop a one-of-a-kind screw down behind
    the new wall it took you two weeks to install.

    Contain a handy assortment of sharp and dangerous tools.
    Best left in it's leather sheath and worn on a home-
    owner's belt to increase testosterone levels.

Electronic Stud Finder:
    An annoying device that never goes off when you point
    it at yourself.

Halogen Light:
    A work light that lights up your backyard with the
    incandescence of a football stadium, causing you to
    cast a heavy shadow over the area you're working on
    so that you need to use a flashlight anyway.

Cordless Drill:
    A device that lessens your chance of electrocution
    90% over a standard plug-in tool.

Cordless Telephone:
    The handyman's 911.

Air Compressor:
    A mechanical device similar in principal to harnessing
    the power of your mother-in-law's nagging complaints
    and using the resulting airflow to blast old paint off
    the side of the house.

    Allows you to cut your way out of the shed that you
    accidentally built completely around yourself.

Vise Grips:
    A pair of helping hands that doesn't critique the job
    you're doing or offer advice.

Subj:     How To Throw Cement
          From: Wimp.com in 2010
..........(S701b,d-iFrame in Contractor)
 Source1: www.youtube.com/embed/QGj-KkjwXJY
 Source2: www.wimp.com/cementthrowing/

 This video shows he "South African" art of cement throwing.
 Click 'HERE' to see this one minute instructive video.

Subj:     How To Build Fun Stairs
          From: virv in 2011 (S759d, S796) 
 Source: www.hewnandhammered.com/.a/

 These stairs may be well worn, but they are obviously also
 well loved.  The room is absolutely stunning. There was so
 much light and space.  Click 'HERE' to see these great stairs.

 Also shown are nine other beautiful staircases.

Subj:     How To Build An Atomic Bomb (DU)
          From: humorlist-digest V2 #66 in 1998

 The following paper is taken from The Journal of Irreproducible
 Results, Volume 25/Number 4/1979. P.O. Box 234 Chicago Heights,
 Illinois 60411


 Worldwide controversy has been generated recently from several
 court decisions in the United States which have restricted
 popular magazines from printing articles which describe how
 to make an atomic bomb.  The reason usually given by the
 courts is that national security would be compromised if such
 information were generally available.  But, since it is
 commonly known that all of the information is publicly
 available in most major metropolitan libraries, obviously the
 court's officially stated position is covering up a more
 important factor; namely, that such atomic devices would
 prove too difficult for the average citizen to construct.
 The United States courts cannot afford to insult the vast
 majorities by insinuating that they do not have the
 intelligence of a cabbage, and thus the "official" press
 releases claim national security as a blanket restriction.

 The rumors that have unfortunately occurred as a result of
 widespread misinformation can (and must) be cleared up now,
 for the construction project this month is the construction
 of a thermonuclear device, which will hopefully clear up any
 misconceptions you might have about such a project.  We will
 see how easy it is to make a device of your very own in ten
 easy steps, to have and hold as you see fit, without annoying
 interference from the government or the courts.

 The project will cost between $5,000 and $30,000, depending
 on how fancy you want the final product to be.


 1. First, obtain about 50 pounds (110 kg) of weapons grade
 Plutonium at your local supplier (see NOTE 1).  A nuclear
 power plant is not recommended, as large quantities of
 missing Plutonium tends to make plant engineers unhappy.
 We suggest that you contact your local terrorist organization,
 or perhaps the Junior Achievement in your neighborhood.

 2. Please remember that Plutonium, especially pure, refined
 Plutonium, is somewhat dangerous.  Wash your hands with soap
 and warm water after handling the material, and don't allow
 your children or pets to play in it or eat it.  Any left over
 Plutonium dust is excellent as an insect repellant.  You may
 wish to keep the substance in a lead box if you can find one
 in your local junk yard, but an old coffee can will do nicely.

 3. Fashion together a metal enclosure to house the device.
 Most common varieties of sheet metal can be bent to disguise
 this enclosure as, for example, a briefcase, a lunch pail, or
 a Buick.  Do not use tinfoil.

 4. Arrange the Plutonium into two hemispherical shapes,
 separated by about 4 cm.  Use rubber cement to hold the
 Plutonium dust together.

 5. Now get about 100 pounds (220 kg) of trinitrotoluene (TNT).
 Gelignite is much better, but messier to work with.  Your
 helpful hardware man will be happy to provide you with this

 6. Pack the TNT around the hemisphere arrangement constructed
 in step 4.  If you cannot find Gelignite, feel free to use TNT
 packed in with Playdo or any modeling clay.  Colored clay is
 acceptable, but there is no need to get fancy at this point.

 7. Enclose the structure from step 6 into the enclosure made
 in step 3.  Use a strong glue such as "Crazy Glue" to bind
 the hemisphere arrangement against the enclosure to prevent
 accidental detonation which might result from vibration or

 8. To detonate the device, obtain a radio controlled (RC)
 servo mechanism, as found in RC model airplanes and cars.
 With a modicum of effort, a remote plunger can be made that
 will strike a detonator cap to effect a small explosion.
 These detonator caps can be found in the electrical supply
 section of your local supermarket. We recommend the "Blast-
 O-Mactic" brand because they are no deposit-no return.

 9. Now hide the completed device from the neighbors and
 children.  The garage is not recommended because of high
 humidity and the extreme range of temperatures experienced
 there.  Nuclear devices have been known to spontaneously
 detonate in these unstable conditions.  The hall closet or
 under the kitchen sink will be perfectly suitable.

 10. Now you are the proud owner of a working thermonuclear
 device!  It is a great ice-breaker at parties, and in a
 pinch, can be used for national defense.


 The device basically works when the detonated TNT compresses
 the Plutonium into a critical mass. The critical mass then
 produces a nuclear chain reaction similar to the domino
 chain reaction (discussed in this column, "Dominos on the
 March", March, 1968).  The chain reaction then promptly
 produces a big thermonuclear reaction.  And there you have
 it, a 10 megaton explosion!


 In next month's column, we will learn how to clone your
 neighbor's wife in six easy steps.  This project promises
 to be an exciting weekend full of fun and profit.  Common
 kitchen utensils will be all you need. See you next month!


 1. Plutonium (PU), atomic number 94, is a radioactive
 metallic element formed by the decay of Neptunium and is
 similar in chemical structure to Uranium, Saturium,
 Jupiternium, and Marisum.


 1. Let's Make Test Tube Babies! May, 1979
 2. Let's Make a Solar System! June, 1979
 3. Let's Make an Economic Recession! July, 1979
 4. Let's Make an Anti-Gravity Machine! August, 1979
 5. Let's Make Contact with an Alien Race! September, 1979

Subj:     How To Make A Balloon Puppy
..........From: LABLaughsClean
..........in 2009 (S589b,d-On site)
 Source: (Removed from funnyvideo247.com)

 Do you know how to make a balloon puppy? See how
 click 'HERE'.

Subj:     5 Knots You Should Know
          From: Luke Bergerson
..........in 2017 (S1080d-On Site)
 Source: www.youtube.com/embed/SiDaq_M3mtA
 Click 'HERE' to see The Family Handyman, Travis,
 show you five knots you need to know how to tie,
 including one that sailors have been using for years.

                           -(o o)-
..............................From Smiley_Central