Subj: Newspaper Headlines And Ads
(Includes 31 jokes and articles, 10 1113n,35,cf,vXT5a,18)
.......Updated through Australian Bike Commercial
Click "Here" for Headlines-Supp
Click "Here" for Headlines-Supp2
through 'Australian Bike Commercial' at 4.5
Also see AUSTRALIAN
- 'Air New Zealand
Plane Safety Video'
BASKETBALL - 'Turkish Airlines Euroleague Epic Pool Dunk' - Video
BEARS file - 'Huge Bear Surprises Crew on EcoBubble Photo Shoot' - Video
BREAST-SUPP - 'Where Are My Fries?' - Video
BUMPERSTICKERS- (see whole file)
CANADA file - 'Travel Alberta's Remember To Breathe Commercial'
CARS1 file - 'Suzuki Vitara 96 For Sale' - Video
CARS-SUPP2 - 'Gymkhana FIVE: Urban Playground; San Francisco' - Video
CARS-SUPP3 - 'The Epic Split By Jean-Claude Van Damme' - Video
CLOTHING file - 'Real Clever Shopping Bags'
.........COMPUTRS-SUP2 - 'Paper Is Not Dear' - French Ad
CONDOM file - 'Condom Commercial'
.......................- 'Glow In The Dark Condom Commercial'
.......................- 'Durex Condom Commercial'
COWS-SHEEP-SUP- 'Budweiser Streaker Commercial'
DATING1 file - 'Personal Ad'
DOCTOR3 file - 'Newspaper Headline'
DOG2 file - 'Doridos And A Hungary Dog' - Commercial
DOG-SUPP2 - 'Dog Goldberg Machine By Beneful' - Video
DRINKING_BEER1- 'Bud Light Super Bowl Ad - Real Life PacMan' - Video
.......................- 'Miller Beer Ad'
.......................- 'Old Hamm's Beer Commercial'
DRINK_BEER-SUP- 'Bud Light And The Farmer's Daughter'
.......................- 'Bud Light And The Chimpanzee'
.......................- 'Bud Light And The French Maid'
.......................- 'Bud Light Clothing Drive 2010' - Video
EAST EUROPEAN - 'Pro USA Editorial f/Romanian Newspaper'
ELDERLY2 file - 'Who Will Take Grandma' - Poem/Newspaper
FACEBOOK file - ''We Hate Math,' Say 4 in 10'
FAIRYTALE-SUPP- 'The Three Little Pigs - News Video'
FARMER-SUPP - 'So God Made A Farmer' - Video
FOOD_ETC-SUPP - 'Creme d'Or Commercial'
FRENCH file - 'Great Story From Canal Plus' - Video
GOLF3 file - 'Callaway Golf Commercial'
GOLF-SUPP - 'Nike Golf: No Cup Is Safe' - Video
HORSE-SUPP - 'Roy Rogers' Pony Contest' - Video
.......................- 'Trailer Assist by Volkswagen Ad'
HOWTO file - 'Bud Light Pick-up Line' - Video
HUNT-CAMP-SUPP- 'The Swiss Room Box' - Video
ILLUSIOHS23 - 'Optical Illusion Commercial By Honda'
JOB-STUFF-SUPP- 'Smart Marketing'
LISTS file - 'Headlines 2050'
MOVIES (Picts)- 'Blaupunkt, Stuffed Animal Sex'
NATIONAL2 file- 'The Future In Year 2035'
NATIONAL-SUPP2- 'Welfare Poem From 1949' - Newspaper Article
NATIVEAMERICAN- 'Where White Man Went Wrong!'
.........ONELINERS - (see whole file)
PENIS-SUPP....- 'Perrier Commercial'
.........PHONE file - 'A Phone Call To Grandpa' - Video
.........PHONE-SUPP - 'Stare At The Samsung S4 For 60 Minutes To Win It' - Video
.......................- 'European Fake Cell Phone Commercial' - Video
PHYSICS2 file - 'Flying Horse - Gatorrada (Cat-Toast)' - Video
.........PREGNANT-SUPP - 'Coca Cola Life - Ser Padres HD' - Video
RUSSIAN file - 'Russian "Extrim Drive" Ad'
SANTA-SUPP - 'Why Santa Didn't Answer your Letter' - Video
SIGNS-NAMES - (see whole file)
SPACE-SUPP - 'Carlsberg's Spaceman' - Picture
STARTREK-SUPP - 'Zachary Quinto vs. Leonard Nimoy' - Audi S7 Ad
SWEDISH_ETC - 'Auction Of The Year' - Video
TEST-SUPP - 'Trivia Bits by Paul Paquet'
YOU-KNOW-SUPP - 'Skeet Shootin' - Texas Style'
WAITER_ETC - 'Robbing The Wrong Diner' - Glock Ad
WEDDING-SUPP - 'Bud Light Wedding Commercial' - Video
Subj: Frank And Ernest Comic Strip (S648b)
By Bob Thaves in 2009
Coke Happiness Machine (S679)
From: Wimp.com in 2010 (d-On Site)
The Coke Company put a special
Coke machine on a college
campus. It gave out free coke and a lot of other happiness.
Click 'HERE' to see this cute commercial.
Rubber Cement Commercial (S671)
Fm: darrell in 09 (d-iFrame,in Nuns1)
In this cute video, a statue
breaks in a nunnery. This
priceless 1992 ad for a product called Talens Rubber
Cement is a television commercial that swept the Cannes
International Advertising Film Festival, winning its
Grand Prix award. Click 'HERE' to see this great commercial.
Evian's Roller-Skating Babies Ad (S653d)
Made by EvianBabies
From: RDobry in 2009 (d-iFrame)
(See 'HP Printer - Evian Babies - Brand New Key' in Headlines-Supp2)
The video -- of 96 computer-animated
skating to a remix of the Sugarhill Gang's Rapper's
Delight -- is mesmerizing. Something about babies
in diapers and onesies doing sophisticated skate
tricks and break-dancing moves just makes me smile.
Click 'HERE' to see this very cute video.
Russian Beer Ad #1 (S506c,in Russian)
From: auntiegah in 2006 (d-iFrame)
To view this short, cute, Russian commercial, click 'HERE'.
Subj: Mom Sells Rule-Breaking Son's Car (S573)
From: ginafm in 2008
Jan 9, 2008
Jane Hambleton has dubbed herself
the "meanest mom on the
After finding alcohol in her
son's car, she decided to sell
the car and share her 19-year-old's misdeed with everyone -
by placing an ad in the local newspaper.
The ad reads: "OLDS 1999 Intrigue.
Totally uncool parents
who obviously don't love teenage son, selling his car. Only
driven for three weeks before snoopy mom who needs to get a
life found booze under front seat. $3,700/offer. Call
meanest mom on the planet."
Hambleton has heard from people
besides interested buyers
since recently placing the ad in The Des Moines Register.
The 48-year-old from Fort Dodge
says she has fielded more
than 70 telephone calls from emergency room technicians,
nurses, school counselors and even a Georgia man who
wanted to congratulate her.
"The ad cost a fortune, but you
know what? I'm telling
people what happened here," Hambleton says. "I'm not just
gonna put the car for resale when there's nothing wrong
with it, except the driver made a dumb decision.
"It's overwhelming the number
of calls I've gotten from
people saying 'Thank you, it's nice to see a responsible
parent.' So far there are no calls from anyone saying,
'You're really strict. You're real overboard, lady.'"
The only critic is her son, who
Hambleton says is "very,
very unhappy" with the ad and claims the alcohol was left
by a passenger.
Hambleton believes her son but
has decided mercy isn't the
best policy in this case. She says she set two rules when
she bought the car at Thanksgiving: No booze, and always
keep it locked.
The car has been sold, but Hambleton
says she will continue
the ad for another week - just for the feedback.
Russian Beer Ad #2 (S506c,in Russian)
From: auntiegah in 2006 (d-iFrame)
To view this short, cute, Russian commercial, click 'HERE'.
Subj: International Marketing Ads (S492c)
From: drgolfmd in 2006
The Dairy Association's huge
success with the campaign "Got
Milk?" prompted them to expand advertising to Mexico. It was
soon brought to their attention the Spanish translation read,
"Are you lactating?"
Coors put its slogan, "Turn It
Loose," into Spanish, where it
was read as "Suffer From Diarrhea."
Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer
Electrolux used the following
in an American campaign: "Nothing sucks like an Electrolux."
Clairol introduced the "Mist
Stick," a curling iron, in to
Germany only to find out that "mist" is slang for manure. Not
too many people had use for the "Manure Stick."
When Gerber started selling baby
food in Africa, they used the
same packaging as in the US, with the smiling baby on the label.
Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put
pictures on the labels of what's inside, since many people can't
An American T-shirt maker in
Miami printed shirts for the Spanish
market which promoted the Pope's visit. Instead of "I Saw the
Pope" (el Papa), the shirts read "I Saw the Potato" (la papa).
Pepsi's "Come Alive With the
Pepsi Generation" translated into
"Pepsi Brings Your Ancestors Back From the Grave" in Chinese.
The Coca-Cola name in China was
first read as "Kekoukela",
meaning "Bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with
wax", depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000
characters to find a phonetic equivalent "kokou kole",
translating into "happiness in the mouth."
When American Airlines wanted
to advertise its new leather first
class seats in the Mexican market, it translated its "Fly In
Leather" campaign literally, which meant "Fly Naked" (vuela en
cuero) in Spanish.
Australian Bike Commercial
From: edapsmas in 2006
.........(S512b,d-iFrame, in Bicycle)
This is a cute commercial for
Malvern Star. Malvern Star
is a manufacturer of bicycles in Melbourne, Australia.
Click 'HERE' to see this funny, nude bike ad.
Subj: Irish Personal Ads (S447)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 8/19/2005
"Personal ads" in the Dublin News:
Heavy drinker, 35, Cork Area.
Seeks gorgeous sex addict
interested in a man who loves his pints, cigarettes,
Glasgow Celtic Football Club and has been known to starting
fights on Patrick Street at three o'clock in the morning.
Bitter, disillusioned Dublin man, lately rejected by
longtime fianc?e, seeks decent, honest, reliable woman,
if such a thing still exists in this cruel world of
Ginger haired Galway man, a troublemaker, gets slit-eyed
and shirty after a few scoops, seeks attractive, wealthy
lady for bail purposes, maybe more.
Bad tempered, foul-mouthed old bastard, living in a
damp cottage in the arse end of Roscommon, seeks
attractive 21 year old blonde lady, with a lovely chest.
Limerick man, 27, medium build, brown hair, blue eyes,
seeks alibi for the night of February 27 between 8 PM
and 11:30 PM.
Optimistic Mayo man, 35, seeks a blonde 20 year old
double-jointed supermodel, who owns her own brewery,
and has an open-minded twin sister.
I.B.C. Rootbeer Commercial (S627d)
From: tom on 1/14/2009 (in Monkey)
This 30 second commercial shows
why root beer is a better
drink than beer. Click 'HERE' to see this cute ad.
Subj: The Newspapers (S354b)
From: Imogenelumen on 11/8/2003
1. The Wall Street Journal is
read by the people
who run the country.
2. The Washington Post is read
who think they run the country.
3. The New York Times is read
by people who think they should
run the country, and who are very good at crosswords.
4. USA Today is read by people
who think they ought to run
the country but don't really understand the Washington
Post. They do, however, like their statistics shown in
5. The Los Angeles Times is read
by people who wouldn't mind
running the country, if they could spare the time, and if
they didn't have to leave LA to do it.
6. The Boston Globe is read by
people whose parents used to
run the country and did a far superior job of it, thank
you very much.
7. The New York Daily News is
read by people who aren't too
sure who's running the country, and don't really care as
long as they can get a seat on the train.
8. The New York Post is read
by people who don't care who's
running the country, as long as they do something really
scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.
9. The San Francisco Chronicle
is read by people who aren't
sure there is a country .... or that anyone is running
it; but whoever it is, they oppose all that they stand
for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are
handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs, who also
happen to be illegal aliens from ANY country or galaxy
as long as they are Democrats.
10. The Miami Herald is read by people
who are running
another country but need the baseball scores.
11. The National Enquirer is read by
people trapped in line
at the grocery store.
Subj: New York Post's Error (S388)
From: jerry on 7/6/2004
Source: (Removed from lerman.biz/)
The New York Post, too anxious
to be the first to tell you
so, declared on their front cover that Presidential hopeful
John Kerry picked Dick Gephardt as his running mate. Two
hours later Kerry officially announced that his running mate
is Senator John Edwards.
Subj: Viagra Advertising Slogans (S316b)
From: gheckman on 2/18/2003
The boss of Stone Marketing called
a spontaneous staff
meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful week.
When everyone gathered, the employer, who understood the
benefits of having fun, told the burnt-out staff the
purpose of the meeting was to have a quick contest. The
theme was Viagra advertising slogans. The only rule was
that they had to use past ad slogans, originally written
for other products, that captured the essence of Viagra.
Slight variations were acceptable.
About 7 minutes later, they turned
in their suggestions
and created a Top Ten List. After all the laughter and
camaraderie, the rest of the week went very well for
The top ten:
10. Viagra, Whaazzzzz Up!
9. Viagra, The quicker pecker up!
8. Viagra, Like a rock!
7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight.
6. Viagra, Be all that you can be.
5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone.
4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.
3. Viagra, Tastes great! More filling!
2. Viagra, We bring good things to life!
And the unanimous number one slogan:
1. This is your penis... This is your penis on drugs...
Four Great Commercials (S509c, S802d)
From: darrell94590 on 10/18/2006
This video contains four short,
Click 'HERE' to view these commercials.
Centrum Silver Strip Poker Commercial
From: LABLaughsAdult on 1/13/2009
and From: sam.hutkins on 3/31/2012 (S627d, S792)
This Centrum Silver commercial
is funny and cute.
All commercials should be this funny. You can view
it by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Real Meanings of Personal Ad Codes (S275c, S491c)
From: gheckman on 12/6/2001
and From: darrell94590 on 6/18/2006
Of Women's Language' in DIFFERENCES3
and 'Woman's Dictionary' in WOMEN3
The real meaning behind the abbreviations
in personal ads:
Adventurer......... Has had more partners than you ever will
Average looking.... Ugly
Beautiful.......... Pathological liar
Contagious Smile... Bring your penicillin
Educated........... College dropout
Emotionally Secure. Medicated
Feminist........... Fat; ball buster
Free spirit........ Substance user
Friendship first... Trying to live down reputation as slut
Good Listener...... Borderline Autistic
New-Age............ All body hair, all the time
Old-fashioned...... Lights out, missionary position only
Poet............... Depressive Schzophrenic
Professional....... Real Witch
Redhead............ Shops the Clairol section
Reubenesque........ Grossly Fat
Romantic........... Looks better by candle light
Voluptuous......... Very Fat
to height........ Hugely Fat
Wants Soulmate..... One step away from stalking
Widow.............. Nagged first husband to death
Young at heart..... Toothless crone
Barclaycard Waterslide (S629d)
From: LABLaughsClean on 1/12/2009
This Barclaycard commercial is
More companies should make ads you enjoy seeing.
Click 'HERE' to view it.
Danish Washing Machine Commercial
on 2/19/2009 (S632b, S847d)
This 2008 commercial is a skydive
advertisement for the
Danish Siemens washing machine, which sells for about $900.
In it more than a hundred bare-breasted women skydive
from a plane. Click 'HERE' to see this the best TV
Pepsi Commercial - Godfather Girl
From: darrellvip on 4/3/2009
and From: tom on 6/16/13 (S638d, S858)
||Photo from Google.com|
This is a Godfather Pepsi vs
Coca Cola commercial. Click
'HERE' to see cute ad.
Doritos Commercial (S680d, S867)
From: LABLaughsRiddles on 1/25/2010
Photo from YouTube.com
The 2010 Superbowl Commercial
is very cute. It is titled
'Doritos Commercial - Keep Yo' Hands Off My Momma!' Click
'HERE' to see this ad.
Subj: Short Headlines And Ads
HEMA Department Store Ad (S658)
From: lubin100 on 8/9/2009
Take a look at HEMA's product
page. You can't order
anything (it's in Dutch, anyway) but just wait a couple
of seconds and watch what happens..
Don't click on any of the item
pictures, just wait and
see what happens. This company has a sense of humor and
a great computer programmer!!
Levis Commercial (S655b,d)
From: LABLaughsClean on 7/24/2009
IKEA Commercial (S654b,d)
From: tom on 7/5/2009
Coca-Cola Commercial (S645d, S868)
From: darrellvip on 5/16/2009
Pepsi Commercial - Just Lunch
From: gattica30 on 5/17/09 (645b,d)
Country Life Commercial (S634c,d)
From: LABLaughsClean on 2/12/2009
Subj: New Billboard (S644b)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 4/27/2009
Saw this billboard sign yesterday....
NEED HELP, CALL JESUS
Out of curiosity, I did.
A Mexican showed up with a lawnmower.
Trouble For Newspapers Spells
.............Trouble For Cartoonists (S625)
by Lee Bains, posted Dec 29th 2008
|Photo from Switched.com...|
Best Cordless Drill Ad - Ever (S623d)
From: mauryschu on 12/16/2008
Eric O'Shea - Songs for TV Commercials
From: jcary on 12/15/2008 (S623d)
Headlines From 2004 And 2008 (S615b in Obama)
by Eric Allie
From: TownHall.com on 11/5/2008
The Protector (S614b,d in Canadian)
From: gattica30 on 10/9/2008
Prize Winning Ad (S612)
From: tom on 10/2/2008
Motorcycle for Sale (S608c in Harley)
From: ginafm on 8/30/2008
Creative Advertising (S541c in Sign-Supp)
From: jbcary1 on 5/24/2007
|Subj: News For The
Year You Were Born (S573c)
.......From: LABLaughsClean on 1/7/2008 (in Birthdays)
Drawing from www.artzooks.com...
Trunk Monkeys (S555d - cars-supp)
From: AFine963 on 9/7/2007
Brazilian Bed Advertisements (S554b)
From: SCOTCOB (in Latin America)
Subj: Time Traveler Ad (S503c)
From: LABLaughsClean on 9/7/2006
Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
Subj: Finding A Date In The Personal Column (S316b)
From: gheckman on 2/18/2003
After four years of separation,
my wife and I finally
divorced amicably. I wanted to date again, but I had
no idea of how to start, so I decided to look in the
personals column of the local newspaper.
After reading through all the
listings, I circled three
that seemed possible in terms of age and interest, but
I put off calling them and left the newspaper by the phone.
Two days later, there was a message
on my answering
machine from my ex-wife. "I came over to your house to
borrow some tools today and saw the ads you circled in the
paper. Don't call the one in the second column. It's me."
Free To Good Home (S587b in Marriage6)
From: LABLaughsAdult on 4/16/2008
..........Source: (Removed from buffaloschips.com)
Bus Advertizing (S578c in Truck))
From: darrellvip on 2/7/2008
.............................Newspaper from Smiley_Central