Subj: Thoughts I've Learned2
(Includes 23 jokes and articles, 11944n,7,cf,wYT3,1)
Click "Here" for Thoughts-Learned-Supp
Flowers and Butterflys
Subj: Pearls Before Swine (S926)
By Stephan Pastis on 12/26/2014
Subj: Deep Thoughts (S228)
From: gheckman on 6/10/2001
Something to think about .......
In light of the recent shooting
in Massachusetts, let's
see, I think it started when Madeline Murray O'Hair (she
was murdered, her body was found recently) complained she
didn't want any prayer in our schools, and we said OK.
Then someone said you better
not read the Bible in school.
The Bible that says thou shalt not kill, thou shalt not
steal, and love your neighbor as yourself, and we said OK.
Dr. Benjamin Spock said we shouldn't
spank our children
when they misbehave because their little personalities
would be warped and we might damage their self-esteem
(Dr. Spock's son committed suicide) and we said, an expert
should know what he's talking about, so we said OK, we
won't spank them anymore.
Then someone said teachers and
principals better not
discipline our children when they misbehave. And the
school administrators said no faculty member in this
school better touch a student when they misbehave because
we don't want any bad publicity, and we surely don't want
to be sued. (There's a big difference between discip-
lining and touching, beating, smacking, humiliating,
kicking, etc.) And we accepted their reasoning.
Then someone said, let's let
our daughters have abortions
if they want, and they won't even have to tell their
parents. And we said, that is a grand idea.
Then some wise school board member
said, since boys will
be boys and they're going to do it anyway, let's give
our sons all the condoms they want, so they can have all
the fun they desire, and we won't have to tell their
parents they got them at school. And we said, that's
another great idea.
Then some of our top elected
officials said it doesn't
matter what we do in private as long as we do our jobs.
And agreeing with them, we said it doesn't matter to me
what anyone, including the President, does in private
as long as I have a job and the economy is good.
And then someone said let's print
magazines with pictures
of nude women and call it wholesome, down-to-earth
appreciation for the beauty of the female body. And we
said we have no problem with that.
And someone else took that appreciation
a step further
and published pictures of nude children and then stepped
further still by making them available on the internet.
And we said they're entitled to their free speech
And the entertainment industry
said, let's make TV shows
and movies that promote profanity, violence, and illicit
sex. And let's record music that encourages rape, drugs,
murder, suicide, and satanic themes. And we said it's
just entertainment, it has no adverse effect, and nobody
takes it seriously anyway, so go right ahead.
Now we're asking ourselves why
our children have no
conscience, why they don't know right from wrong, and
why it doesn't bother them to kill strangers, their
classmates, and themselves. Probably, if we think about
it long and hard enough, we can figure it out. I think
it has a great deal to do with "WE REAP WHAT WE SOW."
Funny how simple it is for people
to trash God and then
wonder why the world's going to hell. Funny how we
believe what the newspapers say, but question what the
Funny how everyone wants to go
to heaven provided they
do not have to believe, think, say, or do anything the
Funny how someone can say "I
believe in God" but still
follow Satan who, by the way, also "believes" in God.
Funny how we are quick to judge but not to be judged.
Funny how you can send a thousand
'jokes' through e-mail
and they spread like wildfire, but when you start sending
messages regarding the Lord, people think twice about
Funny how the lewd, crude, vulgar
and obscene pass freely
through cyberspace, but the public discussion of Jesus
is suppressed in the school and workplace.
Funny how someone can be so fired
up for Christ on Sunday,
but be an invisible Christian the rest of the week.
Are you laughing?
Funny how when you go to forward
this message, you will
not send it to many on your address list because you're
not sure what they believe, or what they will think of
you for sending it to them.
Funny how I can be more worried
about what other people
think of me than what God thinks of me.
Are you thinking?
Pass it on if you think it has
If not then just discard it....
No one will ever know what you did, for sure. But, if
you discard this thought process, then don't sit back
and complain about what a bad shape the world is in.
Subj: My Seize-The-Moment Friend (S227)
From: donldsnb on 5/28/2001
Too many people put off something
that brings them joy just
because they haven't thought about it, don't have it on their
schedules, didn't know it was coming, or were too rigid to
depart from their routines. I got to thinking one day about
all those women on the Titanic who passed up dessert at dinner
that fateful night in an effort to cut back. Ever since, I've
tried to be a little more flexible.
How many women out there will
eat at home because their
husbands didn't suggest going out to dinner until after some-
thing was thawed? Does the word "refrigeration" mean anything
How often have your kids dropped
in to talk and sat in silence
while you watched "Jeopardy" on television?
I cannot count the times I called
my sister and said, "How
about going to lunch in half an hour?" She would gasp and
stammer, "I can't." Check one:
"I have clothes in the dryer."
"My hair is a mess."
"I wish I had known yesterday."
"I had a late breakfast."
"It looks like rain."
And my personal favorite:
My sister died a few years ago. We never did have lunch
Because we Americans cram so
much into our lives, we tend to
schedule our headaches. We live on a sparse diet of promises
we make to ourselves when all the conditions are perfect. We
will go back and visit the grandparents when we get Stevie
toilet trained. We'll entertain when we replace the living
room carpet. We'll go on a second honeymoon when we get two
more kids out of college.
Life has a way of accelerating
as we get older. The days get
shorter, and the list of promises to ourselves gets longer.
One morning we awaken, and all we have to show for our lives
is a litany of "I'm going to," "I plan on," and "Some day
when things settle down a bit."
When anyone calls my 'seize-the-moment
friend', she is open
to adventure and available for trips. She keeps an open
mind on new ideas. Her enthusiasm for life is contagious.
You talk with her for five minutes and you're ready to trade
your bad feet for a pair of roller blades and skip the
elevator for a bungee cord.
My lips have not touched ice
cream in 10 years. I love ice
cream. It's just that I might as well apply it directly to
my hips with a spatula and eliminate the digestive process.
The other day, I stopped the car and bought a triple-decker.
If my car had hit an iceberg on the way home, I would have
Subj: Road To Success (S222)
From: gheckman on 3/13/2001
Stop reading here, if a religious reference will offend you.
THE ROAD TO SUCCESS IS NOT STRAIGHT
THERE IS A CURVE CALLED FAILURE..
A LOOP CALLED CONFUSION..
SPEED BUMPS CALLED FRIENDS..
RED LIGHTS CALLED ENEMIES..
CAUTION LIGHTS CALLED FAMILY..
YOU WILL HAVE FLATS CALLED JOBS BUT..
IF YOU HAVE A SPARE CALLED DETERMINATION..
AN ENGINE CALLED PERSEVERANCE..
INSURANCE CALLED FAITH..
A DRIVER CALLED JESUS..
YOU WILL MAKE IT TO A PLACE CALLED SUCCESS!
Subj: Things We Hope Our Grandkids Will Learn (S220, S506c)
From: h2oman19 on 3/14/2001
and From: jtgalvan on 9/28/2006
Paul Harvey Writes:
We tried so hard to make things
better for our kids
that we made them worse.
For my grandchildren, I'd like
better. I'd really like for
them to know about hand me down clothes and homemade ice
cream and leftover meatloaf sandwiches. I really would.
I hope you learn humility by
being humiliated, and that you
learn honesty by being cheated.
I hope you learn to make your
own bed and mow the lawn and
wash the car. And I really hope nobody gives you a brand
new car when you are sixteen.
It will be good if at least one
time you can see puppies
born and your old dog put to sleep.
I hope you get a black eye fighting
for something you
I hope you have to share a bedroom
with your younger brother.
And it's all right if you have to draw a line down the middle
of the room, but when he wants to crawl under the covers with
you because he's scared, I hope you let him.
When you want to see a movie
and your little brother wants to
tag along, I hope you'll let him.
I hope you have to walk uphill
to school with your friends
and that you live in a town where you can do it safely. On
rainy days when you have to catch a ride, I hope you don't
ask your driver to drop you two blocks away so you won't be
seen riding with someone as uncool as your Mom.
If you want a slingshot, I hope
your Dad teaches you how to
make one instead of buying one.
I hope you learn to dig in the dirt and read books.
When you learn to use computers,
I hope you also learn to
add and subtract in your head.
I hope you get teased by your
friends when you have your
first crush on a girl, and when you talk back to your mother
that you learn what ivory soap tastes like.
May you skin your knee climbing
a mountain, burn you hand on
a stove and stick your tongue on a frozen flagpole.
If a friend offers you dope or
a joint, I hope you realize
he is not your friend.
I sure hope you make time to
sit on a porch with your
Grandpa and go fishing with your Uncle.
May you feel sorrow at a funeral
and joy during the holidays.
I hope your mother punishes you when you throw a baseball
through your neighbor's window and that she hugs you and
kisses you at Christmas time when you give her a plaster mold
of your hand.
These things I wish for you---tough
times and disappointment,
hard work and happiness.
To me, it's the only way to appreciate life.
Subj: Reason, Season, Or A Lifetime (S218, S376)
From: h2oman19 on 4/3/2001
and From: Imogenelumen on 4/11/2004
Are you a Reason a Season or a Lifetime?
Pay attention to what you read.
After you read this, you
will know the reason it was sent to you! People come into
your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. When you
figure out which one it is, you will know what to do for
When someone is in your life
for a REASON . . . It is usually
to meet a need you have expressed. They have come to assist
you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and
support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are! They are there
for the reason you need them to be. Then, without any wrong
doing on your part, or at a connvenient time, this person
will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes
they act up and force you to take a stand. What we must
realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled,
their work is done. The prayer you sent up has been answered.
And now it is time to move on.
When people come into your life
for a SEASON. Because your
turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an
experience of peace, or make you laugh. They may teach you
something you have never done. They usually give you an
unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it! It is real! But,
only for a season.
LIFETIME relationships teach
you lifetime lessons; things
you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional
foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the
person, and put what you have learned to use in all other
relationships and areas of your life. It is said that
love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. Thank you
for being a part of my life.
Work like you don't need the
money, love like you've
never been hurt, and dance like no one is watching.
Subj: What Really Matters (S218)
From: h2oman19 on 4/1/2001
SOMEWHERE IN BETWEEN
Somewhere between the procrastination
And the homework
And the incessant forwards
And the new friendships
And the nasty campus food
And the calls home complaining about roommates
Somewhere between the phone calls to old friends
And the "I miss you's"
And the "I love you's"
And the "I can't wait to see you again's"...
And somewhere between all of the changing ? growing...
And somewhere between the classes
And the skipping classes
And the studying for tests
And the pretending to study for tests
And the downright not studying for tests...
I forgot what it was like to be in high school.
I forgot what it meant to cry.
I forgot that pretending to be happy doesn't make you happy
And that pretending to be smart doesn't make you smart....
I forgot that you can't just forget the past.
I forgot that you can't control falling in love.
And that you can't make yourself fall in love.
I learned that I can love....
I learned that good food doesn't really seem great
until you can't have it anymore
And I learned that even I would grow to love Ramen
nuddles and hundreds of sandwitchs.
I noticed that I get along better with my parents
now than I ever did before
And that wasn't because they changed, but because I changed.
I learned that going to college means making choices
And that making choices can get you into trouble.
I learned that it's okay to mess up
And it's okay to ask for help
And it's okay to feel like crap.
I learned that sometimes the things you want most
you just can't have.
I learned that the greatest thing about college isn't the parties
Or the drinking
Or the boys/girls...
It's the chances.
Taking the chances
And then making the most of them.
I learned that sometimes the things we want to
forget are the things which we most need to talk about.
I learned that once you get to college,
Things don't automatically get better...
It's what you make of them.
I learned that letters from friends are the most important thing
And that sending cards to your friends makes you feel better.
But, basically, I just learned that my friends,
Both old and new,
Are the most important people in the world
And without them
I wouldn't be who I am today
So this is a thank you to all of my friends
For always being there
And I love you.
Subj: You Are Unique (S432b)
From: LABLaughsRiddles on 5/4/2005
Source: (Removed from lablaughs.com)
Subj: Great Truths About Growing Old (S212, S475b)
From: Joke-Of-The-Day.com on 2/19/2001
and From: cappucinid on 2/21/2006
* Growing old is mandatory; growing
up is optional.
* Insanity is my only means of relaxation.
* Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
* You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoes
and wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
* You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a
rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
* One of life's mysteries is how a two pound box of candy can
make a person gain five pounds.
* Every time I think about exercise, I lie down 'till the thought
* God put me on earth to accomplish a certain number of things.
Right now I am so far behind, I will live forever.
* I finally got my head together, and my body fell apart.
* Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.
* Age doesn't always bring wisdom. Sometimes age comes alone.
* Amazing! You just hang something in your closet for a while,
and it shrinks two sizes.
* Inside some of us is a thin person struggling to get out, but
they can usually be sedated with a few pieces of chocolate cake.
Subj: A Columbine Student Essay (S185)
From: ICohen on 08/14/2000
(Also see 'The Paradox Of Our Time' in THOUGHTS-TIME)
We think our younger generation
never notices anything,
but in truth, they notice more than we as adults do,
and they notice and understand more than what we want to
admit they do.
A Columbine student wrote this
very compelling essay,
so appropriate on the first anniversary of their tragedy:
"The paradox of our time in history
we have taller buildings, but shorter tempers;
Wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints;
We spend more, but have less;
We buy more, but enjoy it less.
We have bigger houses, but smaller
More conveniences, but less time;
We have more degrees, but less sense;
More knowledge, but less judgment;
More experts, but more problems;
More medicine, but less wellness.
We have multiplied our possessions,
but reduced our values.
We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life;
We've added years to life, but not life to years.
We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have
trouble crossing the street to meet the new neighbor.
We've conquered outer space, but not inner space;
We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul;
We've split the atom, but not our prejudice.
We have higher incomes, but lower morals;
We've become long on quantity, but short on quality.
These are the times of tall
men and short character;
Steep profits and shallow relationships.
These are the times of world peace, but domestic warfare;
More leisure, but less fun;
More kinds of food, but less nutrition.
These are the days of two incomes,
but more divorce;
Of fancier houses, but broken homes.
It is a time when there is much in the show window
and nothing in the stockroom;
A time when technology can bring this letter to you,
and a time when you can choose either to make a
difference and pass it on ...
or just hit delete."
Subj: Rose, A 87 Year Old College Student (S176, S557c)
From: RFSlick on 6/17/00 and 9/13/2007
The first day of school our professor
introduced himself and
challenged us to get to know someone we didn't already know.
I stood up to look around when
a gentle hand touched my
shoulder. I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old
lady beaming up at me with a smile that lit up her entire
She said, "Hi handsome. My name
is Rose. I'm eighty-seven
years old. Can I give you a hug?"
I laughed and enthusiastically
responded, "Of course you
may!" and she gave me a giant squeeze. "Why are you in
college at such a young, innocent age?" I asked.
She jokingly replied, "I'm here
to meet a rich husband,
get married, have a couple of children, and then retire
"No seriously," I asked. I was
curious what may have
motivated her to be taking on this challenge at her age.
"I always dreamed of having a
college education and now
I'm getting one!" she told me.
After class we walked to the
student union building and
shared a chocolate milkshake. We became instant friends.
Every day for the next three months we would leave class
together and talk nonstop. I was always mesmerized listening
to this "time machine" as she shared her wisdom and experience
Over the course of the year,
Rose became a campus icon and
easily made friends wherever she went. She loved to dress
up and she revelled in the attention bestowed upon her from
the other students. She was living it up.
At the end of the semester we
invited Rose to speak at our
football banquet and I'll never forget what she taught us.
She was introduced and stepped up to the podium.
As she began to deliver her prepared speech, she dropped
her three by five cards on the floor.
Frustrated and a little embarrassed
she leaned into the
microphone and simply said "I'm sorry I'm so jittery.
I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is killing me!
I'll never get my speech back in order so let me
just tell you what I know."
As we laughed she cleared her
throat and began: "We do not
stop playing because we are old; we grow old because we
stop playing. There are only four secrets to staying young,
being happy, and achieving success."
"You have to laugh and find humor every day."
"You've got to have a dream.
When you lose your dreams,
you die. We have so many people walking around who are
dead and don't even know it!'
"There is a huge difference between
growing older and growing
up. If you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full
year and don't do one productive thing, you will turn twenty
years old. If I am eighty-seven years old and stay in bed
for a year and never do anything I will turn eighty-eight.
Anybody can grow older. That doesn't take any talent or
ability. The idea is to grow up by always finding the
opportunity in change."
"Have no regrets. The elderly
usually don't have regrets for
what we did, but rather for things we did not do. The only
people who fear death are those with regrets."
She concluded her speech by courageously
singing "The Rose."
She challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them
out in our daily lives.
At the years end Rose finished
the college degree she had
begun all those years ago. One week after graduation Rose
died peacefully in her sleep.
Over two thousand college students
attended her funeral in
tribute to the wonderful woman who taught by example that
it's never too late to be all you can possibly be. We send
these words in loving memory of ROSE.
Subj: The Dalai Lama Says (S170)
From: mbucher on 5/3/00
I N S T R U C T I O N S F O R L I F E
1. Take into account that
great love and great achievements
involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three R's:
Respect for self, Respect for
others and Responsibility for all your actions.
4. Remember that not getting
what you want is sometimes a
wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
7. When you realize you've
made a mistake, take immediate
steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change,
but don't let go of your values.
Photo from BrainyQuote.com
12. Live a good, honorable
life. Then when you get older and
think back, you'll be able to enjoy it a second time.
13. A loving atmosphere
in your home is the foundation for
14. In disagreements with
loved ones, deal only with the
current situation. Don't bring up the past.
15. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
16. Be gentle with the earth.
17. Once a year, go someplace
you've never been before.
18. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your
love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
19. Judge your success
by what you had to give up in order
to get it.
20. Approach love and cooking
with reckless abandon.
|A friend of mine, Shahala,
gave the Dalai Lama a hug.
Click 'HERE' to see the picture.
Drawing from Arkansas Times....
Watercolors by Terry Shoffner...
1. The gift of listening...
Try giving this to someone in need.
And you must really listen. No interrupting,
no daydreaming, no planning your responses. Just listen.
2. The gift of signs of affection...
Be generous with your hugs, kisses and
gentle squeezes of the hand. Let these
tiny actions demonstrate the love inside of you.
3. The gift of a note...
It can be as simple as "I Love You" or
as creative as a sonnet. Put your notes
where they will surprise your loved ones.
4. The gift of laughter...
Just cut out a cartoon, save a clever article.
Your gift will say, "I love to laugh with you."
5. The gift of compliment...
A simple "You look good in blue" or "Good supper"
can be of greatest value to those who
may feel they are being taken for granted.
6. The gift of a favor...
Help with the dishes, run an errand, etc.
7. The gift of leaving alone...
There are times in our lives when we
want nothing better than to be left alone.
Become more sensitive to those times and give solitude.
8. The gift of a cheerful disposition...
Try to be cheerful around those you love.
9. The gift of a game...
Offer to play your loved one's favorite game.
Even if you lose, you'll be a winner.
10. The gift of prayer or positive
Pray for your loved ones and
let them know you pray for them.
or are simply thinking of them....
How To Survive A Heart Attack Alone (DU)
Picture from jtgalvan on 11/6/2007
(See 'How To Survive A Heart Attack Alone II' below)
The following is not a joke,
but a public service announcement.
I think it is important for you to know.
How to save yourself.
Let's say it's 6:17 p.m.
and you're driving home (alone of
course) after an unusually hard day on the job. Not only
was the workload extraordinarily heavy, you also had a
disagreement with your boss, and no matter how hard you tried
he just wouldn't see your side of the situation. You're
really upset and the more you think about it the more uptight
All of a sudden you start experiencing
severe pain in your
chest that starts to radiate out into your arm and up into
your jaw. You are only about five miles from the hospital
nearest your home, unfortunately you don't know if you'll
be able to make it that far. What can you do?
You've been trained in CPR but
the guy that taught the course
neglected to tell you how to perform it on yourself.
HOW TO SURVIVE A HEART ATTACK WHEN ALONE
Many people are alone when they
suffer a heart attack, what
can you do? Without help a person whose heart stops beating
properly begins to feel faint and has about 10 seconds left
before losing consciousness.
However, these victims can help
themselves by coughing
repeatedly and very vigorously. A deep breath should be
taken before each cough, and the cough must be deep and
prolonged, as when producing sputum from deep inside the
A breath and a cough must be
repeated about every two
seconds without let up until help arrives, or until the
heart is felt to be beating normally again.
Deep breaths get oxygen into
the lungs and coughing
movements squeeze the heart and keep the blood circulating.
The squeezing pressure on the heart also helps it regain
normal rhythm. In this way, heart attack victims can get
to a phone and, between breaths, call for help. You'll be
giving yourself CPR with this technique.
Tell as many other people as
possible about this, it could
save their life!
The above was taken from Health
Cares, Rochester General
Hospital via Chapter 240's newsletter AND THE BEAT GOES ON.
(reprint from The Mended Hearts, Inc. publication, Heart
This is an Urban Legend as reported
in Snopes.com at
Even though it is true, you can do as much damage as help.
If the pattern of your coughs is wrong, you can cause a
mild heart attack to become a fatal one.
|Subj: How To Survive
A Heart Attack Alone II
From: jbcary1 on 6/22/2008 (S596b)
Picture from jtgalvan on 11/6/2007....
You can view this PPS on my web site by clicking 'HERE'.
Subj: Thoughts of An 83 Year Old Woman (S157)
..........From: RFSlick on 02/02/2000
(Also see 'When To Use The Good China' in THOUGHTS-TIME)
This was written by an 83 year old woman to her friend.
I'm reading more and dusting
less. I'm sitting in the yard
and admiring the view without fussing about the weeds in the
garden. I'm spending more time with my family and friends
and less time working. Whenever possible, life should be a
pattern of experiences to savor, not to endure. I'm trying
to recognize these moments now and cherish them.
I'm not "saving" anything; we
use our good China and crystal
for every special event such as losing a pound, getting the
sink unstopped, or the first Amaryllis blossom. I wear my
good blazer to the market. My theory is if I look prosperous,
I can shell out $28.49 for one small bag of groceries. I'm
not saving my good perfume for special parties, but wearing
it for clerks in the hardware store and tellers at the bank.
"Someday" and "one of these days" are losing their grip on my
vocabulary. If it's worth seeing or hearing or doing, I want
to see and hear and do it now.
I'm not sure what others would've
done had they known that
they wouldn't be here for the tomorrow that we all take for
granted. I think they would have called family members and a
few close friends. They might have called a few former friends
to apologize and mend fences for past squabbles. I like to
think they would have gone out for a Chinese dinner, or for
whatever their favorite food was. I'm guessing; I'll never know.
It's those little things left
undone that would make me angry
if I knew my hours were limited. Angry because I hadn't written
certain letters that I intended to write one of these days.
Angry and sorry that I didn't tell my husband and parents often
enough how much I truly love them. I'm trying very hard not to
put off, hold back, or save anything that would add laughter and
luster to our lives. And every morning when I open my eyes,
tell myself that it is special. Every day, every minute, every
breath truly is a gift from God.
Subj: Why We Are Here? (S143)
From: KMacinty on 10/25/1999
A father and son were lying on
their backs on the grassy
knoll of a park, next to their hamburger wrappers watching
some clouds loiter overhead, when the son started a
SON: "Dad, what are we doing here?"
The father thoughtfully answered:
"I've thought a lot
about it son, even long before you were born, and although
it's deep I don't think that it's all that complicated. I
think that we are here just to maybe teach a kid how to bunt,
turn two, and eat sunflower seeds without using his hands.
"We're here to pound the steering
wheel and scream as we
listen to the game on the radio, twenty minutes after we
pulled into the garage.
"We're here to watch, at least
once, as the pocket
collapses around John Elway, and its fourth and forever.
Or as the count goes full on Big Mac with the bases loaded
and the pitcher wishes he had gone on to med school. Or as
a little hole you couldn't get a skateboard through suddenly
opens up in front of Jeff Gordon with two laps to go.
"We're here to wear our favorite
Texas Rangers cap, a
Slippery Rock sweatshirt and old Converses on Saturday
morning with nowhere to go and nothing special to do.
"We're here to rake in a Jack-high
nothing hand and make
sure that nobody knows it. Or get in one really good brawl,
get a nice shiner, and end up throwing an arm around the guy
who gave it to us.
"We're here to shoot a six-point
elk or to bag a doe on
doe day. Or to tie the perfect fly, make the perfect cast,
and catch absolutely nothing and still call it a great
"We're here to nail a yield sign
with an apple core from
half a block away. Or to win the stuffed bear at the fair
and/or go broke trying.
"We're here to be the coach that
finally gets the kid
whose glasses are always fogged up, to finally make a
perfect back door pass.
"We're here to be there when
our kid has a three goal two
assist game, and especially when he doesn't.
"We're here to see the Great
One setting up behind the
net, tying some keeper's neck in a reverse half-twist Windsor.
"We're here to witness Tiger Woods commercial.
"We're here to be able to do
a one-and-a-half for our
grandkids. Or stand at the top of a favorite double-black
and overhear those five wonderful words: 'Highways closed,
too much snow'.
"We're here to get a Frisbee
to do things that would have
caused medieval clergymen to burn us at the stake.
"We're here to sprint the last
100 yards of a 5K and be
so tired we have to sit down to pee.
"I don't think that the meaning
of life is gnashing our
bicuspids over what comes after death but tasting all of the
tiny moments that come before it.
"I don't think we're here to
make Sportscenter. The
really good stuff never does.
"None of us are going to find
ourselves on our deathbeds
saying, 'Dang, I wish that I had spent more time on the
Hibbing's account at work'. We're going to say, 'That scar?
I got that scar stealing home with the winning run against
"You see, grownups spend so much
time doggedly slaving
toward the better car, the perfect house, or the big day
that will finally make them happy; when happy just walked
by wearing a bicycle helmet two sizes too large. We're
here to make the most of every moment. The way is heaven
is pure heaven.
"Does that answer your question, Son?"
SON: "Not really, Dad"
SON: "Nope. What
I meant was, why are we still here when
we were supposed to pick Mom up forty minutes ago?"
Subj: Trusting God (S366)
From: Grampsboyd on 1/30/2004
Warning: This is not a
joke. If the items you send me to put
in Sunday Morning Laughs, makes me laugh, or cry, I send it out.
If I like it or its imagery is good, I also send it out.
James Hewett wrote, 'When I recognized
this Higher Power, it
seemed as though life was rather like a bike ride, but it was
a tandem bike. God was in the back helping me pedal. I don't
know just when it was that He suggested we change places, but
life has not been the same since. When He took the lead, it
was all I could do to hang on! He took me down delightful
paths, up mountains and through rocky places... at breakneck
'I worried and was anxious and
asked, 'Where are You taking
me?' He laughed and didn't answer, and I started to learn
trust. I forgot my boring life and entered into adventure.
When I'd say, 'I'm scared,' He'd lean back and touch my hand.
'At first I did not trust Him
to be in control of my life. I
thought He'd wreck it, but He knows bike secrets... how to
make it lean to take sharp corners, dodge large rocks, and
speed through scary passages. I'm beginning to enjoy the
view and the cool breeze on my face with my delightful,
Letting God have the front seat
in your life can thrust you
into an adventure you never imagined possible! The Master
of the universe knows where all the good stuff is.
Subj: Interview With God (S130)
From: smiles on 7/25/99
I dreamed I had an interview
"Come in," God said. "So, you would like to interview Me?"
"If you have the time," I said.
God smiled and said: "My time is eternity and is enough to do
everything; what questions do you have in mind to ask me?"
"What surprises you most about mankind?"
"That they get bored of being children, are in a rush to
grow up, and then long to be children again.
That they lose their health
to make money and then lose
their money to restore their health. That by thinking anxiously
about the future, they forget the present, such that they live
neither for the present nor the future.
That they live as if they will
never die, and they die as if
they had never lived..."
God's hands took mine and we
were silent for while and then
"As a parent, what are some of life's lessons you want your
children to learn?"
God replied with a smile:
"To learn that they cannot make anyone love them. What they
can do is to let themselves be loved. To learn that what is
most valuable is not what they have in their lives, but who
they have in their lives.
To learn that it is not good
to compare themselves to others.
All will be judged individually on their own merits, not as
a group on a comparison basis!
To learn that a rich person
is not the one who has the most,
but is one who needs the least.
To learn that it only takes
a few seconds to open profound
wounds in persons we love, and that it takes many years to
heal them. To learn to forgive by practicing forgiveness.
To learn that there are persons that love them dearly, but
simply do not know how to express or show their feelings.
To learn that money can buy
everything but happiness. To
learn that two people can look at the same thing and see it
totally different. To learn that a true friend is someone
who knows everything about them... and likes them anyway.
To learn that it is not always enough that they be forgiven
by others, but that they have to forgive themselves."
I sat there for awhile enjoying
the moment. I thanked Him
for his time and for all that He has done for me and my
family, and He replied, "Anytime. I'm here 24 hours a day.
All you have to do is ask for me, and I'll answer."
Subj: Whiners (S129)
By Maya Angelou
from Condensed Chicken Soup for the Soul (c) 1996
When my grandmother was raising
me in Stamps, Arkansas,
she had a particular routine when people who were known to
be whiners entered her store. My grandmother would ask the
customer, "How are you doing today, Brother Thomas?"
And the person would reply, "Not
so good today, Sister
Henderson. You see, it's this summer heat. I just hate it.
It just frazzles me up and frazzles me down. It's almost
killing me." Then my grandmother would stand stoically, her
arms folded, and mumble, "Uh-huh, uh-huh." And she would cut
her eyes at me to make certain that I had heard the
As soon as the complainer was
out of the store, my
grandmother would call me to stand in front of her. And then
she would say the same thing she had said at least a
thousand times, it seemed to me. "Sister, did you hear what
Brother So-and-So or Sister Much-to-Do complained about?"
And I would nod. Mamma would continue, "Sister, there are
people who went to sleep all over the world last night, poor
and rich and white and black, but they will never wake
again. And those dead folks would give anything, anything at
all for just five minutes of this weather that person was
grumbling about. So you watch yourself about complaining,
Sister. What you're supposed to do when you don't like a
thing is change it. If you can't change it, change the way
you think about it. Don't complain."
It is said that persons have
few teachable moments in
their lives. Mamma seemed to have caught me at each one I
had. Whining is not only graceless, but can be dangerous. It
can alert a brute that a victim is in the neighborhood.
Subj: Hagar On The Meaning Of Life (S531)
by Dik & Chris Browne on 3/27/2007